My ex abused me for 14yrs then set fire to my house & killed my boys during visit – now Mel B is helping me change law
A MUM whose two sons were murdered by her ex-partner has joined forces with Spice Girl Mel B to campaign to keep children safe from domestic abusers.
Claire Throssell lost sons Jack, 12, and Paul, nine, when her ex deliberately set fire to his house during a contact visit with the boys in 2014.
Her harrowing story is highlighted here — as The Sun backs Melanie’s campaign for urgent reforms in the family court system to ensure women fleeing abusive relationships are listened to more.
Melanie, 48, a patron of anti-domestic abuse charity Women’s Aid who fled her own abusive ten-year marriage, wants judges to receive training from independent experts on domestic abuse.
And she is calling on courts not to assume contact with children should be granted to an ex-partner if the relationship has been an abusive one.
Claire, 51, from Penistone, South Yorks, suffered years of abuse before her ex-husband, Darren Sykes, killed her sons and himself in the blaze.
The 44-year-old lured the boys into the attic with toys and sweets before setting 14 petrol fires across the house.
He barricaded all doors and windows with furniture so firemen could not reach them until it was too late.
Brave Claire is now campaigning to stop unsafe child contact with domestic abusers.
She told The Sun: “Almost ten years ago now my life ended, and my existence began, all in just 15 minutes.
“The abuse was like a tap. It began with a trickle, then a drip, then it overflowed. I was drowning.
“It covered all four categories of physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse.
‘Narcissist and stalker’
“You end up with layers taken off you until you have no idea who you are or how you came to be trapped.
“All you know is that you love your children and you need to protect them.”
Her ex’s controlling behaviour began from the moment they met in a Wakefield shop.
Claire said: “When we first met, he bombarded me with roses and gifts.
“He could be charming when it suited but above all he was persistent — he wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“I didn’t know about love-bombing then. It was the behaviour of a narcissist and a stalker.
“He abused me for 14 of the 18 years we were together. It started with controlling behaviour.
“He wanted to know where I was all the time and would make constant digs about my job, my friends, my clothes, my weight.
“As it ramped up, he took away everything, my ID, my passport, my bank account, my confidence.
“He tracked my movements and often locked me in the house. I learned not to say I was going out. I just grabbed my keys and ran.
He told me I was the worst mum in the world. He was jealous of my love for the boys
Claire Throssell
“He would call me constantly when I was at work and would pull love-bombing stunts with flowers. People thought it was romantic.
“It reached a crescendo after my dad died, the only person who he couldn’t charm or bully.
“I was five months pregnant with Jack. Nothing can prepare you for holding your baby in your arms.
“It was love at first sight. I would rub their backs and sing to them when they had nightmares.
“But he would not compromise. He would never get up in the night to change their nappies.
“He told me I was the worst mum in the world. He was jealous of my love for the boys.
“One thing kept me going — the kids. He would physically abuse me at night and then I would get them up with a smile in the morning.
“How lucky I was to have Jack and Paul as rays of light in a dark world.
“Jack was quiet and wanted to be a musician. Paul was a cheeky chappy and full of energy.
“They were two beautiful boys with smiles that made the sun look dull.
“But the person who made life worse for them was someone who should have loved them the most.”
With her boys seeing more and more of her ex’s abusive behaviour, Claire decided to leave him for good in April 2014.
She and the boys moved in with her mother, and Claire originally agreed to shared custody.
But in June when a very upset Paul told a teacher that his dad had hurt him in the past, Claire applied for an emergency residency order to stop shared custody.
JUDGES MUST BE TRAINED
BY Mel B
JUDGES need to wake up and learn about domestic abuse – the family courts can be as bad as the abusers.
Time after time, women who have survived domestic abuse tell us at Women’s Aid that going to the family courts can be as bad as the abuse they have experienced from their ex.
Going to court should not be terrifying for women who have already been bullied within in an inch of their lives, but survivors are scared for a good reason.
As Claire tells us, she warned about what her abusive ex-partner was capable of, but a judge told her she had to hand her boys over.
It is sickening that this can happen and that despite the Government’s own Harm Panel Report in 2020 saying what needs to change, hardly anything has changed.
We know that around 60 per cent of child arrangement cases in England and Wales feature domestic abuse, yet many judges don’t understand and call it “parental conflict”. It’s not conflict, it’s abuse.
Women who are scared for their children’s lives are called troublemakers or accused of being manipulative.
Prevent tragedies
Judges need training, urgently – and not training they have written themselves – but expert domestic abuse training from charities who work with survivors.
At least one woman a week this year will be killed by a current or former partner.
Domestic abuse is a life and death issue, and judges need to understand the issue inside out to protect women and children from dangerous abusers.
I’m a Spice Girl and a TV presenter, but I am also a Women’s Aid patron and a survivor of a ten-year abusive marriage.
I want to use my voice to make a change on behalf of the many whose voices are not listened to. I will shout from every platform I have until survivors of abuse are safe.
This is exactly why I have set up a petition for judges to have training to protect survivors in the future, and prevent future tragedies.
Listen to us, listen to Claire’s story and look at the photos of her beautiful boys, Jack and Paul, and let’s change this for once and for all.
No survivor of abuse should be frightened that a judge will back an abuser and put her and her children in danger.
The divorce was finalised in October, and with her ex becoming more and more threatening, Claire made a request to stop him seeing the boys.
The court ordered a report into the children’s welfare and scheduled a hearing for November.
But Claire said: “The court ordered a Section 7 report into the boys’ welfare but then let him see them without it. He was a monster in plain sight.”
On October 22, 2014, Claire’s worst fears came true.
Her ex used an unsupervised meeting with the boys to lure them into the attic before setting the house on fire.
I saw Paul’s little body bouncing off the bed as they did CPR
Claire Throssell
Although the court had granted him five hours with the boys, it took just 15 minutes to kill them.
Claire said: “At 6.30pm I had a knock on the door. I knew something was wrong.
“It was a policeman whose kids went to the boys’ school — everyone knows everyone in this village.
“He stepped into the light and his face dropped. I said ‘What’s he done?’.
“He said, ‘Come with me’. The police car raced through traffic lights with its lights flashing.
“This isn’t going to end well, I thought. We stopped outside resus and I saw Paul’s little body bouncing off the bed as they did CPR.
“The doctor said, ‘We’re going to let him go now’. It sounds stupid, but I said, ‘Go where?’.
“This golden-haired little boy who loved running, who loved life, who ran before he walked. I said, ‘You can’t go Paul, you have to stay’.
‘Brought to silence’
“His beautiful blue eyes went grey. The light really did go out. The nurse closed his eyes. His hair was wet with my tears.
“I said, ‘I love you Paul, I won’t let this happen to anyone else’.
“I wasn’t allowed to touch him, he was crime scene evidence.”
Jack suffered 56 per cent burns trying to save Paul from the fire.
Claire said: “He went back for his brother. Jack looked after Paul, and Paul looked after Jack. It was Jack’s hand Paul felt last in life.
“Jack told the fireman cradling him, ‘My dad did this and he did it on purpose’.
“That boy had the heart and courage of a lion.
“He fought for five days. We talked about Paul in the present tense as Jack could still hear.
“All I could do was read to him. His machine would calm down, his heart rate would smooth out.
Jack told the fireman cradling him, ‘My dad did this and he did it on purpose’
Claire Throssell
“He went into surgery on October 27 and was in for 17 hours. The nurse came out and took my arms.
“He had gone into cardiac arrest from sepsis. I watched for 40 minutes as they tried to save him.
“The monitor turned into a straight line like in films. His huge heart and spirit had gone.
“His hands had been destroyed and there was no part of him I could hold.
Jack had been due to have his welfare interview with children’s welfare service Cafcass the day he died.
Shortly before killing the boys, the abuser had behaved aggressively towards a female Cafcass worker and barricaded her in an office.
But the fatal contact meeting was still permitted.
A case review later found that “they couldn’t have predicted the harm” — despite Claire’s constant warnings that the abuser could kill.
She is now campaigning to end Practice Direction 12, which states that it is in children’s best interest to have contact with both parents.
Claire said: “I next saw the boys at the funeral home.
“I rested my hands on their coffins and said, ‘Things are going to change. I love you’.
Jack and Paul have not been the last. It should not take ten years for things to change
Claire Throssell
“The whole of Penistone came to the funeral. This bustling market town was brought to silence.
“Everyone made a three-deep circle of love which only broke when the boys were carried into the church.
“You see the shock on their faces. How can this happen? It happens every day.
“But Jack and Paul have not been the last. It should not take ten years for things to change.”
Claire has already won a change in the law so children can be recognised as victims of domestic abuse.
But she said courts have a deep “pro-contact” culture which puts the children of abusers in danger.
She added: “Two women a week die, more than 50 children since Jack and Paul.
“My abuser escaped justice. I’m serving a life sentence and I’ve done no crime.
“But I can get that brave 12-year-old’s dying words out there. I owe it to the boy who protected his brother and me.”
BACK THE CAMPAIGN
Mel wants judges to receive training from independent experts on domestic abuse.
And she is calling on courts not to assume contact with children should be granted to an ex-partner if the relationship has been an abusive one.