Valerie Bertinelli explains why she 'can't just blame' ex-husband Tom Vitale for 'toxic, horrible marriage'

Valerie Bertinelli opened up about how unresolved childhood trauma contributed to the end of her marriage to her ex-husband, Tom Vitale.

During a Monday appearance on "The Drew Barrymore Show," the 63-year-old actress reflected on taking responsibility for her part in her divorce from the financial planner.

"I can’t just blame my ex-husband for a toxic, horrible marriage," Bertinelli told Barrymore and co-host Ross Matthews.

VALERIE BERTINELLI MOVES ON WITH NEW BOYFRIEND AFTER DRAMATIC DIVORCE FROM EX-HUSBAND TOM VITALE

Bertinelli continued, "It’s not his fault. What led me to that? Oh, childhood! That’s the stuff I got to start working on."

The "Valerie's Home Cooking" alum and Vitale dated for seven years before marrying at her Malibu home on New Year's Day in 2011. In November 2021, Bertinelli separated from Vitale after 10 years of marriage. The former couple's divorce was finalized a year later.

Bertinelli was previously married to late rock legend Eddie Van Halen, who died in October 2020 at the age of 65 after a long battle with cancer. Van Halen and Bertinelli shared a son, Wolfgang, 33.

In an October 2023 interview on the "Out Comes The Sun" podcast, Bertinelli shared her perspective on finding the positive aspects of her painful split from Vitale.

"I think because that divorce was so wicked, and it's really brought me to my knees, but I think of that as a gift because I get to learn so much about myself through this," she said. 

Bertinelli continued, "I get to learn so much about my character. I get to learn so much about my healing. I get to talk to my inner child more, so this wicked part of my life is actually very healing for me." 

"I get to choose every day whether I'm thankful and in gratitude or whether I just want to be b---- and just scream. And I choose to be grateful and be thankful because I also get to learn so much."

While appearing on "The Drew Barrymore Show," Bertinelli explained that launching her career in the entertainment industry at a young age played a part in her childhood trauma. 

Bertinelli rose to fame at 15 when she landed the role of Barbara Cooper in the hit sitcom "One Day at a Time," which aired from 1975 to 1984.

"The business can really mess with a child's head," she told Barrymore, who is also a former child star.

"I'm still going back on the childhood stuff," she continued. "I'm working on that."

During her appearance on the talk show, Bertinelli also gushed over recently finding love again. Earlier this month, the two-time Golden Globe winner revealed that she was dating an East Coast-based writer 10 years her junior. 

Bertinelli explained that her new romance with the younger man, who she has not named yet, was "not supposed to happen."

"I was not going to date. I was going to die alone with my six cats and my dog and be very happy alone," Bertinelli quipped. "He was not supposed to come into my life and here he is. He’s 10 years younger."

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The Delaware native went on to say that her new beau is "amazing."

"He would like to think he's complicated and brooding, but he's thoughtful and kind and ridiculously talented," she shared.

"He's an amazing writer," Bertinelli continued. "He's gorgeous, like so hot. He does it for me. Big time."

"We all have our type. Like he's just hot," she added.

Bertinelli then revealed that her new boyfriend had accompanied her to Barrymore's show, which is taped in New York City. 

"He's probably backstage blushing right now," she said with a laugh, adding that the pair's relationship was "totally unexpected."

The former Food Network star recalled that she first found her future boyfriend years ago on social media.

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"I actually started following him on Twitter back in 2016 or 17. He has a really amazing Twitter following. He's very funny, very acerbic, and political at that time," she said. "And I started following him. I was like, 'There's something about this guy, I got to know more about him.'"

"I kind of got little butterflies when I followed him, and then he didn't follow me back for two years," Bertinelli admitted.

"And then he started DMing me once in a while, and then started following my Instagram account," she continued. "I followed him first there again. And then he would just DM once in a while just like sweet little nice comments. Nothing pushy."

"Like, really friendly. He didn't want to get involved with anybody either."

Bertinelli recalled that the two began DMing each other every day starting at the beginning of January. The DMing progressed to texting and then to five-hour long daily calls and FaceTiming.

"Then I met him in New York a month ago, and I'm just gone," she said. 

Bertinelli, who is based in Los Angeles, confirmed that she plans to be bi-coastal now due to the pair's blossoming romance. 

In a recent interview with People magazine, Bertinelli shared that she and her new boyfriend are making their long-distance romance work by visiting each other every three weeks.

"We never go longer than that without seeing each other," she said. "After all, it’s about finding the joy in life and sharing it."