My wife took customer relations to another level
DEAR DEIDRE: I caught my wife with one of our regulars in our shop’s storeroom and I can’t unsee what I saw.
She was sitting on the freezer, with her skirt pulled up while he kissed her.
I’m a man of 45. I’m married with three kids. We run a convenience store in the heart of a residential area. We work long hours, constantly juggling the kids and our business.
Three years ago my dad died of a heart attack. He was my best buddy and at 70, he had so many more years to live. I was heartbroken, didn’t handle things well and started drinking to numb my feelings.
My wife was brilliant though – she got me some counselling and I’m now two years sober.
I stopped drinking but also stopped paying attention to my wife. I went into autopilot focussing on the kids and work.
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I was so wrapped up in myself that I was oblivious to the chemistry between my wife and this man who came into our shop every day to chat her up. He’s 37 and my wife is 42.
My wife started dressing up for her shifts and one evening, she told me she was stocktaking.
I was getting the kid’s dinner when our son kicked off because we didn’t have fish fingers. I put the kids in the car and drove to our shop and let myself in.
When I went into the stockroom, where we have a freezer, I found my wife and this man together.
I don’t know who was more shocked, them, or me, when I walked in. I fled the shop and have avoided her by sleeping in the spare room since. What should I do?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You can’t go on sweeping this under the carpet. Your marriage is in crisis. Find a time to sit down and talk to your wife.
Cheating isn’t acceptable but if you are both willing to own your own mistakes and to communicate your needs, then you can fix your relationship. You owe it to your children to try.
You had every reason to take your eye off the ball because of your bereavement.
Rather than stray, she should have spoken to you of her unhappiness, that way you could have both avoided this misery.
If you’re both willing, you can get things back on track. I’ve heard from thousands of couples where this has happened – but you must start communicating. My support pack on cheating explains where to go from here.