‘Daily Show’ Slams Mike Johnson as ‘God’s Blandest Warrior,’ Derides His Stance on Gay Marriage: ‘Jesus Christ!’ (Video)

“The Daily Show” dedicated an entire segment Monday to the newly elected House Speaker Mike Johnson, his political track record and why he is “the least experienced House speaker in 140 years.”

The Comedy Central program also joked that that timeline happens to be when Johnson believes dinosaurs roamed the Earth, due to his strict (if scientifically unlikely) faith, and crowned him “God’s Blandest Warrior.”

The segment, titled “The Daily Showography of Mike Johnson: Crazy Boring,” broke down just how Johnson was “crazy enough to win over the far-right, but boring enough that he wouldn’t spook the slightly less far-right” to land the job of House speaker.

“But who is Mike Johnson — no really, who the f–k is he?” the show asked.

To answer the question, “The Daily Show” ran a clip from his now-infamous interview with Sean Hannity on Fox News in which he said, “People are curious: What does Mike Johnson think about any issue under the Sun? I said, ‘Well, go pick up a Bible off your shelf and read it. That’s my worldview. That’s what I believe.'”

“Jesus Christ!” the series’ narrator quipped.

“The GOP had found their man, so bland that he’ll put you to sleep, but so insane he might murder you in it,” the show said, later adding that his calling in life was to “forbid other people from living their lives the way they wanted,” as seen in his crusade against everything from same-sex marriage to a six-week abortion ban.

“Embarking on his legal career, Mike Johnson was hired by the toughest client of all: God,” “The Daily Show” continued. “As an advocate for evangelical organizations, Johnson fought to close abortion clinics, denounce birth control as ‘the taking of human life,’ and declared gay marriage ‘the dark harbinger of chaos and sexual anarchy that could doom even the strongest Republic.’ If same-sex marriage is allowed, Johnson wrote, there would be nothing to stop people from marrying their pets. Yes, God’s blandest warrior fought to make sure a visit to the pound didn’t end with a trip to Poundtown.”

As for the so-called “commitment to civility” he signed in 2016, “The Daily Show” determined that “Johnson has been true to his word, maintaining a perfectly inoffensive civil demeanor as he championed Donald Trump’s Muslim ban, shrugged off climate change as natural and pushed for a nationwide Don’t Say Gay law. One of Johnson’s most notable bills would ban almost all abortions after six weeks.”

“Then came the 2020 election,” the segment continued. “As the holder of an actual law degree, albeit from LSU, Johnson was uniquely qualified to craft the arguments that Donald Trump would use in his efforts to get the results overturned in court, which is how Johnson finally became interesting enough to earn a nickname: MAGA Mike Johnson.”

And so that’s how Johnson “finally had it all,” “The Daily Show” said, as he’d earned the reputation “as a lunatic” among those who knew him and “no reputation at all among anyone else.”

Watch the full Comedy Central segment in the video above.

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