Every song on the 'Barbie' soundtrack, ranked from worst to best

The Kid Laroi on this soundtrack is much like Ken's friend Allan in Barbie Land; nobody's really sure why he's there.

Unlike Allan, however, Laroi's contribution is neither amusing nor delightful. Skip.

Ava Max bragged to Cosmopolitan that she wrote "Choose Your Fighter" with Mark Ronson in just two hours and "didn't even revise it."

Unfortunately, it shows. The lyrics recall half-baked empowerment anthems that used to play during Disney Channel commercial breaks ("Wanna wear hot pink or black / Don't let nobody tell you you can't / 'Cause you can").

"Silver Platter" isn't a bad song, per se, but it doesn't feel like a necessary addition to this tracklist.

Khalid seems to sing from the perspective of a lovesick Ken, who doesn't have much to say beyond "give me a chance" and other vague expressions of yearning ("If I could pick you up, we'd be in Malibu speeding"). Not a very convincing argument — Ken doesn't even have a car.

PinkPantheress can always be counted on for pretty vocals and melodies, and "Angel" is no exception. She sounds like a fairy combined with the girl-next-door from your favorite 2000s teen rom-com.

But BloodPop's production — the deep-throated chanting, the Scottish-sounding fiddle — distracts from her delivery and throws the song completely out of whack.

It's a shame that Fifty Fifty was underutilized here. "Barbie Dreams" is fun and flirty, but not fresh or exceptional.

It seems like the slot it was designed to fill on this tracklist was already taken by "Barbie World," which was promoted as a single, making "Barbie Dreams" feel superfluous.

Charli XCX lends a burst of energy to Gerwig's sensitive world, and "Speed Drive" complements the film's chase scene nicely. But outside of the theater, I'd rather listen to "Vroom Vroom."

"Dance the Night" is a solid "bespoke song," as Barbie herself describes it, but I expected much more from a collaboration between Dua Lipa, Mark Ronson, and Greta Gerwig.

It mostly just sounds like a B-side from "Future Nostalgia" — not a bad thing, but nothing new or exciting, either.

Not only is it so refreshing to have a classic reggaetón song on a blockbuster soundtrack, but "Watati" is a hit — chewy, sticky, candy-colored music that's bound to keep you coming back for more. It's perfect for the sweetened world of Barbie Land.

Lizzo essentially narrates the film's first scene in Barbie Land, welcoming viewers to an over-the-top feminine paradise.

Her lyrics echo the idealistic, naive dialogue that kids use while actually playing with dolls — and the silliest lines are synched with Margot Robbie's morning routine as Barbie, waving to her friends and gazing into fake mirrors. In my theater, the acrostic poem ("P, pretty / I, intelligent / N, never sad / K, cool!") got one of the biggest laughs of the night.

"Pink" isn't designed to be a standalone song. It may not be suited for radio promotion, but in the context of the movie, it works like a charm.

The movie promoters sabotaged Sam Smith by keeping their contribution to the soundtrack a secret, teasing a big reveal, and getting stan Twitter all riled up with theories.

Whatever disappointment you may have felt when the surprise artist wasn't Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, or Drake — do yourself a favor and shed the bias, because "Man I Am" is a brilliant addition.

The song's greasy production mirrors the lyrics, which describe a vapid wet dream of masculinity ("Strip clubs and dollar bills / Wall Street and dirty deals / Popstars, exotic pills / Cars with dirty wheels") that's subtly undermined in the chorus. "That's just the man I am," belts Smith, who isn't a man, and thus implicitly understands how ridiculous it all sounds. It's an inside joke masquerading as a self-congratulatory anthem.

"Journey to the Real World" is packaged as a brief interlude, but that's exactly why it works so well. Tame Impala's distinctive production acts as a portal: shimmering, slightly sinister, and full of possibility.

A collaboration between the queen of rap and the people's princess that samples Aqua's cult classic? Say no more. "Barbie World" was always destined to be a smash. Come on Barbie, let's go party!

"Hey Blondie" is deceptively upbeat and sunny, ideal to soundtrack Ken's busy day as he works hard at Beach and tries to get Barbie to notice his six-pack abs. As Helen Mirren's narrator says in the film, "Ken only has a good day if Barbie looks at him."

But Dominic Fike adds a shrewd layer of empathy to Ken's plight, one that Ryan Gosling's version routinely overlooks: "Hey, blondie, there's a million eyes on you / Do you ever get curious? / Hey, blondie, there's a million minds on you / Do you ever get furious?" In the chorus, Fike wonders if she feels "tired like ropes and wires" after looking perfect all day.

As Barbie discovers — and Ken remains woefully ignorant of — when they travel to the real world, female beauty is a trap. Attracting attention as a woman is rarely a comfortable experience. It's often exhausting and, indeed, infuriating.

Haim's poignant "Home" captures the heart of Barbie's journey: "I know that we'll be looking back one day / But I trust that I could never stay the same." For a plastic doll, whose life is perfect day after perfect day, this is no small revelation.

In fact, aging and change are concepts that regular people struggle to embrace. It takes a lot of work and self-reflection to accept every tear, every detour, and every wrinkle as a gift.

Along with Hayley Williams and Olivia Rodrigo, Gayle is a key player in pop's current emo-punk obsession.

At its best, the genre's revival draws its power from feminine rage (think Paramore's "This Is Why," Rodrigo's "Good 4 U" and Gayle's own "Abcdefu"), which is precisely what makes "Butterflies" an unskippable cut on the "Barbie" soundtrack.

Remember being 11 years old and pissed off, but you didn't know why? Remember when you didn't have the words to explain the poison, so instead, you burned your Barbie's hair and threw her down the stairs? That's what this song sounds like.

The Crazy Town interpolation really brings it home. "Butterfly" was a big radio hit in the early aughts, boasting lyrics like "Such a sexy, sexy pretty little thing" and "The only thing I really know is she got sex appeal." 

For those of us who survived the 2000s, that era of thigh-gap worship and shameless objectification, "Butterfly" may conjure some unpleasant memories. But Gayle's vengeful reclamation of Crazy Town's chorus ("You're my butterfly, sugar, baby") feels like a triumph. In her hands, femininity evokes strength, not weakness.

Gosling's angsty gem "I'm Just Ken" is giving Bo Burnham's "Straight White Man" in the most hilarious, most unserious, best possible way. You have to see the film to fully appreciate this masterpiece, but trust me, it is a masterpiece.

Just when you think you can't get any more emotional over a Barbie doll, Billie Eilish's angelic voice descends in the third act to remind you that humankind was set adrift in a fantastic, grotesque world and you will probably spend your entire life searching for meaning and then you will die. And somehow, that's the whole point.