Women with scars, burns, and birthmarks want people to stop acting like their facial differences are 'scary' costumes to replicate on Halloween

Halloween is a difficult time for me. I'm frustrated that the general public hasn't realized that so-called "scary" costumes mimic the real-life facial differences of people like me.

It's gut-wrenching that society is telling new generations that those with scars carry the mark of evil. It's othering. It hurts.

It seems like every supermarket and drugstore stocks those do-it-yourself scar kits.

People have asked me, "Is that prosthetic makeup?" I say, "No, it's just my real face." It happened in a supermarket where I worked at the register and also at a bar.

We live in a world that prizes a very narrow perception of beauty. I have this thing on my face that's a little bit different, but it shouldn't affect my self-esteem. It's given me a purpose as the CEO of Face Equality International.

Pop culture invokes fear or mockery of visible differences such as burns and scars. Film characters like Freddy Krueger and Voldemort drag up the tired old trope of villainy.  Even "The Lion King" — a Disney movie for kids — has a sinister lion, imaginatively named Scar.

We want everyone to enjoy Halloween — but also think about the impact of fake scares and burns on people who've got them for real

People with facial differences are discriminated against and held back in their careers. Then comes Halloween. Many of the "scary" costumes feed into the myth that we're monsters. The dehumanizing feeling is just awful.

We want writers, directors, and other creatives to recognize that it's time to stop telling people to fear and look down on folks who look different from them.

Our campaigners absolutely welcome people who get creative for Halloween. It's not an attack on the celebrations by any means. We have no intention of spoiling the fun. 

But this is a moment when we could have a conversation about moving toward a more inclusive Halloween.

Halloween brings a mixture of emotions. I love to see the characters that people recreate. However, when it comes to recreating the looks of people with certain conditions, it's a whole different ball game. It builds up frustration and a sense of anxiety and dread.

Prosthetic scars and burns that are designed to shock and entertain people are offensive. Inappropriate comments — at any time of the year — can stick with you for a very long time. One Halloween, my pals and I bumped into a group of kids off to a party. One of them said, "Wow! Your scars look so real, they look scary." I remember thinking, "WTF?"

Children are not born with prejudice toward people who look different

Characters in popular culture that are supposed to create fear are often people who look different. We're the butt of the joke. People are very unkind and want to shout across the street and voice their disgust. It makes you feel on edge and isolated.

Every so often you get little children who haven't been exposed to someone with a difference. Some of them have been taught that a person who is different isn't beautiful. They'll turn to their parents and say, "Look at her face. I'm frightened." I want them to know that I'm not something to be feared. I am human. I am kind. I'm friendly. I often  wave at them as if to say, "Don't be scared."

It's time for people to look beyond the narrative that we're villains, vigilantes, or vulnerable people to be pitied. People like me need to show that we exist outside of those spaces. We can be more than survivors of something we were born with or something that happened in our past. We can have real jobs and real dreams and do things that everybody else is doing. 

Imagine what this future would do for the confidence of a younger person with a visible difference or someone who just experienced a change.

It would change lives if people became more accepting of visible differences

My experience has helped me to see the good, the bad, and the awful that life has to offer. It's made me campaign to change people's attitudes toward visible differences. It's given me perspective on making a better life for myself and for people who look like me

The anti-discrimination movement is only just beginning — and boy, what a beautiful world we could create.

My heart sank when the movie "Hocus Pocus 2" was released last month. One of the witches in the film, played by Kathy Najimy, pretends to have a crooked grin.

Online trolls have said that we look alike. But my smile looks uneven because of my condition. Bell's palsy causes muscle weakness that's made my cheek and mouth droop.

Some people have commented on my social-media platforms that I look like Two-Face from "Batman." Others have said, "At least you don't need to dress up for Halloween. You could be one of the Sanderson sisters."

It seems like everyone with a facial difference gets compared to one character or another in films, video games, and TV.

If an actor or actress in a film is going to appear with a facial difference, it would be better if they had one, too. I would cry tears of joy if someone with a facial difference had a leading role in a romantic movie or was a Disney princess. I'm tired of people like me being portrayed as villains.

It's frustrating. I've spent a lot of time and energy trying to educate people about facial differences, but it feels like the world is choosing to not listen.

But it's not enough to put me off. I want future generations of girls and boys to not experience discrimination. They should feel good about themselves.

We need to be seen and understood so discrimination goes away

When a friend puts together a Halloween costume that incorporates facial differences, it's an opportunity to start the conversation. If you feel comfortable and safe to do so, you can use resources like our new social-media campaign to show them how it affects the facial-difference community.

I would love to see stores no longer stocking items for Halloween like fake scars and Freddy Krueger masks. But it's only going to happen when demand is no longer there.

Small steps like the TikTok video will make a difference. We need to make noise so people understand why it's important. Once people are aware, we can start making change.

The film industry has done well in moderating its content around visible differences. Warner Brothers apologized in 2020 when there was a backlash against the film "The Witches" because of its portrayal of people with limb disabilities as evil.

But social media is a whole other playing field. It's more accessible and has no regulations.

If you search hashtags like "Halloween Makeup" on TikTok, you'll find countless influencers and makeup artists trying to show off their skills. The looks they create have become more graphic. I don't think it comes from a place of malice; it comes from ignorance.

I think the problem is only going to get worse if we don't address it

TikTokers are watching tutorials that demonstrate how to replicate facial differences. Halloween used to be simple. You'd dress up as a cat or a bat. But now, you need scars on your face. We live in an Instagram world where people want to outdo each other. Popular looks for Halloween have become more graphic. People are trying to replicate them without thinking about whether they're appropriate.

It's only going to cause more pain and heartbreak for young people with visible differences. I'm at an age when I feel comfortable and confident in my skin. But if I was 16 and exposed to social media, I can't imagine how embarrassed and ashamed I'd feel. Some of the comments under those videos are truly offensive.

The trend fills me with dread. I have a condition called vascular malformation. In my case, it's characterized by a  birthmark on my upper lip. I've had a lot of operations that have made it less noticeable. But it still looks swollen at times. People think they're being funny when they say things like, "Did you have a fight with your boyfriend?"

I think the problem is only going to get worse if we don't address it. We need to move forward with educating people and raising awareness.

Do you have a powerful story to share with Insider? Please send details to jridley@insider.com.