I wanted to know why wild sex dried up so I snooped into boyfriend’s phone
DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend and I had wild sex for the first year of our relationship. But as soon as we moved in together, it was like someone poured cold water over the passion.
I made excuses for him at first, as he lost his job and was depressed. But I’ve discovered he doesn’t fancy me any more.
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We have been together for three years and to begin with, it was brilliant. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
He definitely knew how to please me and I felt like the luckiest woman alive.
I am 29 and my boyfriend is 31.
But after he moved in, he stopped initiating sex and started to make excuses if ever I made a move on him.
He even said he had no sex drive, which I initially put down to his depression.
Eventually I became suspicious and looked through the notes in his phone.
It was like reading a diary entry — and he’d written he didn’t fancy me any longer.
He said he loved me but wasn’t in love with me.
He wrote that he didn’t want sex with me but did still want sex with other women.
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He said he couldn’t see himself being with me for ever, adding that he hated my tattoos, the colour of my hair, my dress sense and even my legs.
However, he couldn’t see a reason to end our relationship because I am a good person and he wishes I’d cheat, making things easier for him.
I know I shouldn’t have looked but I was devastated to read all this.
I’d planned to talk with him because I wasn’t happy with how things were. But now I feel empty. It’s what I get for snooping.
I feel like I have wasted the past two years with this man. It makes me so angry. Why doesn’t he leave?
DEIDRE SAYS: As devastating as this discovery has been, at least you now know where you stand.
If the sex stopped when you moved in together, there could be a link.
He sounds like the kind of guy who rushes into a relationship then rushes out just as quickly.
There is nothing wrong with you but he might be genuinely scared of hurting your feelings, so you will have to tell him you know how he feels.
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He might be angry you snooped but staying with him will damage your self-esteem long-term, so don’t let this drift on.
Free yourself to find someone new who will commit to you 100 per cent.
My support pack Finding The Right Partner For You will help.