7 words and phrases that undermine your authority

Nobody wants to sound weak. We all have a desire to be heard and taken seriously when we speak in meetings and other situations. But so many people pack their prose with words that discourage people from taking them seriously. Avoid the following words if you want to come across as a strong, convincing speaker.

1) JUST

This word is an attention killer! Yet it  is used all the time by speakers.  

For example “I just want to say,” or “It’s just a thought,” or “Let me  just add that….” In all these instances the word “just” reduces the speaker by suggesting that what follows is of little value. A throwaway gift to the audience.

By removing “just” from your speaking you will give more weight to your ideas. And you’ll find when you do this, removing the word “just” leads you to remove the weak words that surround it. So “It’s just a thought” might become ‘It is something I have thought a lot about.”

2) Only

This word minimizes what you are saying, and  reduces your impact.  Examples of this are “I only said that because,” or “I only meant,” or “It’s only a thought.”

These expressions diminish the speaker by creating an apologetic tone, thereby making the speaker sound unsure.

3) SORRY

 “I’m sorry” comes out of the mouth of a speaker when he or she has slipped up in some way. It might be when the speaker has missed a slide or bungled some aspect of a presentation. But calling attention to that, rather than simply moving on, undercuts the speaker. Suppose you are giving a presentation and you realize you have missed a slide. Well, don’t apologize . . . say “there was actually a slide that came before this one.” Then show it. Be positive, even when you have messed up.

4) Apologies in general

Speakers often apologize for anything and everything, and in so doing they direct the audience’s attention to what they view as a flaw in their performance. They apologize for their tardiness (“apologies for my lateness, I had a meeting that went overtime), their behavior (“my apologies for cancelling last week’s meeting) or their directives (“apologies that you had to do this project on the weekend”). The problem with apologizing is that it places the focus on something negative about you. And your audience will see you through that lens.

5) Not sure

We often hear speakers say “I’m not sure about this” or “I’m not sure we can do that.” While their intention may be good—“not sure” casts a negative note. If you’re not sure about something, say “We may be able to proceed. Here’s where I stand on this.” Then share your thinking. In this way you turn the negative into a positive. You’ll come across as thoughtful, rather than unsure.

6) Think, want, feel

Verbs are supposed to be high energy words, but some verbs will make you sound weak. You’ll want to part with these three.

 “I think” makes you sound like you are not sure of yourself. A boss who says “I think we should move forward with this plan” sounds tentative. More convincing would be “I’m convinced we should move forward with this plan” or “I know we should proceed.”

 “Want” is another verb that makes you sound weak. If your boss says “I want to promote you”, you’ll wonder if she will. Much stronger would be “I have decided to promote you.”

Saying you “feel” the program is not workable makes you sound tentative. Instead say “I am convinced the program is not workable.”

So resist the temptation to use these low energy words.

7) YOU KNOW, LIKE, UM, THAT’S A GOOD QUESTION

How often do we hear speakers attempt to buy more time by using filler words to plug their pauses when they are thinking through their next thought?

For example someone  answering an interview question might reply “You know… I think a lot about that . . . um . . . because I am always . . . like . . . thinking about how to manage my team.” The speaker’s filler words convey a hesitancy that distracts from the larger idea.

Another annoying use of a filler expression is “that’s a good question” when the speaker is about to answer. It is a buy time strategy that doesn’t work because you have been asked to answer the question, not evaluate it.

Instead of filling your pauses with empty words when you are thinking through what to say, pause in silence and avoid filler expressions. You will sound more confident, and your silence will give your listener time to process your previous thought.

To take your communications to a higher level, avoid these words that weaken the impression you create. Leadership at every level requires the projection of  confidence.