Tales From the Coffeeshop: Nothing to see here (except for judges, spies and a bit of weed)

WHAT could a poor weekly columnist write as click-bait when in the last few days, the news was dominated by sensational allegations about corrupt judges, child rape, illegitimate children, big payoffs, secret societies, conspiring politicians etc.

This is material for an X-rated TV soap opera rather than for the news media of our conservative, family-oriented and God-fearing, society. From the moment Makarios Drousiotis posted the first take of his allegations on ‘X’ on Monday, this has become the greatest story on earth.

People have lost interest in everything else, in life, football, their children, car, money and have been talking about the only thing on the news – Makarios’ allegations – expressing differing levels of outrage or disbelief and bringing their own theories to the table.

Preznikone was expected to give us his opinion, as he has a vendetta with Mak, but nobody expected Prezniktwo to share his view with the public, considering he avoids commenting on negative news in case any of the negativity rubs off on him.

He is the messenger of happy tidings, such as lower consumption tax on fuel and zero VAT on meat. But he made an exception in this case, saying the allegations would be investigated, while warning that such claims undermined democratic stability.

AS OUR establishment would not want to undermine democratic stability and destroy what little faith remains in our state institutions, it will steer clear of these wild allegations.

Everything that could be said about them has been said, and we do not want to express any moral indignation about them now, preferring to wait to see what police investigations will produce.

What was astonishing was the speed with which the authorities decided to look into the story on ‘X’, which exploded like a cluster bomb hitting people in high places.

Normally, such allegations would have been ignored, but because they were made by a journalist with a proven track record and the people accused issued public denials, the story was immediately picked up by the news media and the authorities felt obliged to become involved.

In the past, faced with similar allegations – admittedly not of such an extreme nature – the political system closed ranks and pretended nothing happened until these were forgotten. This formula worked very well, but this time, everyone got involved.

I expect the Facebook voice of truth, Annie Alexoui to file complaint because her own allegations were never treated as seriously as those by the authorities.

THE VISIT of the Prez to Egypt last Monday, turned out to be a major non-event, despite his televised exchange of smiles and pleasantries with President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi.

All the fanfare was about the signing of an agreement that had also been signed last year and which Energy Minister Michalis Damianos said “reaffirms the strategic choice of the two states to export Cypriot natural gas to Egypt. He admitted that the agreement “does not differ at all from a similar agreement signed in the past.”

The Prez had been let down by the Italian oil giant Eni, which failed to confirm its final investment decision (FID) for the Kronos gas field in Egypt. The FID opens the way for the extraction and marketing of the gas, two to three years down the line.

The forecasts by the Prez, made on the day before he left for Cairo, that Kyproulla would be selling its natural gas by 2027 or 2028 appeared over-optimistic. At the rate things are moving 2029 is a more realistic target, assuming the FID is confirmed sometime this year. I would not bet any money on it.

OVERJOYED that the attempt to turn the head of our secret service Kyp, Tasos Tzionis, into the Jay Edgar Hoover of Kyproulla has failed, because the government’s bill for the amendment of the constitution required a two third majority.

If it had been passed, Tzionis would have had the power to order the tapping of anyone’s phone without authorisation from a judge or any other authority. His only obligation would be to inform a three-member committee, made up of government appointed yes-men, about the phone-tapping within three days of ordering it.

In short, he could do exactly as he pleased and would be accountable to nobody, except the prez’s three yes-men, would probably be informed three months rather than three days after the tapping order.

Anyway, our deputies stood tall and refused to make the spy chief, who is under the high protection of the first lady, more powerful and more unaccountable than he already is.

SPEAKING of the first lady, her independent social support body, which she used to provide financial assistance to students from needy families, in the hope they would vote for her hubby in 2028, was abolished by the legislature on Thursday.

The government tried to salvage the vote-buying element of the independent body with a bill that would abolish it but allow it to make payments for grants it had already agreed first. A second bill would have moved the five or six million euro it has to accounts in the Central Bank so that payments could be made to really needy voters.

It was the second disappointment served by the legislature to Mrs Philippa on Thursday, after the defeat of the attempt to give her man Tzionis dictatorial powers.

On the plus side, the support body was abolished without anyone finding out who the donors were and what payback they secured from the government for their generosity in supporting this worthy cause of the first lady.

PUBLIC parasites’ union Pasydy, on Friday, announced the winner of its ‘anti-inconvenience’ competition in which, members of the service were asked to make proposals for “simplifying procedures and increasing the productivity of the state.”

It is the state’s productivity that needs increasing not that of the state employees, according to Pasydy. Anyway, the winner was a proposal for the digitalisation of description of buildings that would link data of Town Planning with the Lands and Surveys Department and reduced the bureaucracy.

A proposal that also received an award was more what you would expect from the parasitic mindset, as it had no interest in improving the service offered to the public. It was aimed at reducing the inconvenience of future public parasites.

It was described as an “innovative proposal for the speeding up of the hiring procedures in the public service through an automated system, drastically reducing the waiting time and the administrative workload of the Public Service Commission.”

It is a big inconvenience for people to wait a few weeks before they are finally informed to switch off their brain because they will join the public service.

THE MINISTRY of justice has advertised vacancies for wardens at the Nicosia central prison. The “required qualities” for the candidate, apart from having a secondary school leaving certificate and being under 40 years of age, are “character integrity, personality, initiative, responsibility, good judgment.”

How realistic is it that someone with all the above character qualities would apply for a dead-end job as a prison warden? Of course, there are qualifications that would give you an advantage in the process over other prison warden hopefuls, such as a university degree, knowledge of a foreign language other than English, black belt in the martial arts, first aid certificate.

Candidates with a plumber’s, electrician’s, builder’s certificate would also have an advantage the ad said, but it excluded mobile phone salesmen who would be much more useful to prisoners.

MARIJUANA users had reason to celebrate after the House passed a bill for ‘popular legislative initiatives’ and a bill giving people the power to propose bills to the executive. There would be a committee examining the citizens’ initiative and if it has a minimum of 5,000 signatures could pass it on to the government to prepare the new legislation.

Considering there are a lot more than 5,000 dope-smokers in Kyproulla, the new legislation offers them a real opportunity to propose a bill for legalising marijuana. The government might not approve, but if the legalisation bill was submitted just before the presidential elections there is every chance our Prez would push it through to the legislature.

The Mary Jane vote could prove decisive in 2028, in the unlikely event the Prez seeks re-election.