Psychology Says Men Who Have Close Male Friendships Live Longer

It's not a big secret that men tend to have more superficial and fleeting relationships than women do. However, psychology suggests that this could actually be detrimental to a man's health.

In recent years, researchers have coined the term "friendship recession" to illustrate the deteriorating male friendships in society. And the science says it's quietly killing men.

The Numbers Don't Lie

According to the Survey Center on American Life, the percentage of men with at least six close friends has been cut in half since 1990, dropping from 55% to just 27%. Meanwhile, 15% of men now report having no close friendships at all.

Richard Reeves is a British-American writer and social scientist who currently serves as the President of the American Institute for Boys and Men. He has described the issue men face as structural, more than just a personal failure.

"Loneliness among men is not new, but it has changed with the deep integration of technology in our lives. Male social networks are typically shallower and narrower than those of women — and they often depend on shared activity (like sports or work), which can be lost with job changes, aging, or divorce," Reeves told The Gambrell Foundation.

"Research shows that men are far less likely to have someone to turn to in times of crisis. One study found that 15% of men say they have no close friends. The rise of digital communication is a two-sided coin: while it can connect us quickly and across distances, it can also fail to provide the depth and presence of real-life male friendship."

What the Science Says

While "loneliness" might seem like a rather abstract issue facing men, the data shows that the health consequences are very real.

The most-cited evidence comes from a landmark meta-analysis led by psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad at Brigham Young University. The study, which examined data from more than 309,000 people, found that a lack of strong relationships increased the risk of premature death from all causes by 50%, which is a mortality risk that's comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and greater than that of obesity or physical inactivity.

Another study came to a similar conclusion. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running study of its kind, has tracked hundreds of men from the 1930s all the way through old age.

In fact, researchers found that people's satisfaction with their relationships at age 50 was a better predictor of physical health at age 80 than their cholesterol levels.

“When we gathered together everything we knew about them about at age 50, it wasn’t their middle-aged cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old,” said study director Robert Waldinger in a popular TED Talk, which has more than 13 million views. “It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.”

"Loneliness kills," Waldinger said during a separate interview. "It's as powerful as smoking or alcoholism."

How to Fix the Problem

Research shows that women invest more time and energy in maintaining their friendships than men do, and women report far higher rates of emotional engagement and support from their friends. So the solution, obviously, is for men to invest more time and energy into friendships.

Waldinger recommends taking intentional steps to form friendships, such as doing something you care about alongside other people.

This can be volunteering, joining a sports league, or finding a club. The idea is that when you're with the same people repeatedly around a shared interest, conversations that start as small talk can deepen into real friendships over time.

As science indicates, finding those friends can be more important to your health than most things you can do for your body physically.