How to Keep Your Job When Robots Take Over
Work is a curse, but don’t say it out loud — we’re trying to keep that secret from AI. Making money, on the other hand, is a blessing. And unfortunately, the two are often inseparable. If you’re worried about how to keep earning from your job over the next 10 years, under the looming threat of robotics and AI, this guide is for you. It’s not very scientific, but in this century that has proclaimed “my truth,” “your truth,” and “everyone’s truth,” please don’t get picky about my deeper insights.
Shop assistant. A robot will fold the clothes. A robot will carry the clothes. A robot will ring up the clothes. But a robot will never be believable when I try on a suit, ask if it’s too tight, and the robot assistant has to say, “Not tight at all, it looks great on you, reminds me of Clark Gable.” So, if you’re a shop assistant, your ideal new LinkedIn slogan should be: “I’m a great liar!”
Truck driver. AI might end up driving trucks, yes. But an AI will never be a “real truck driver.” I can’t imagine the robot sipping whiskey in a lonely bar in the middle of nowhere, or blasting Rolling Stones songs out the window, or trying to run over some idiot on the road like in Duel. The fun of being a trucker will remain yours alone.
Storm chasers. People who don’t have jobs can’t be left without jobs.
Nurse. Intelligent assistant robots are very advanced. But as a hospital patient capable of falling in love with three nurses a day, I’ll tell you this: when you’re in pain, or even on the verge of death, you don’t want perfect care — you want a little affection. Your ideal new LinkedIn slogan could be: “I’m a nurse, beautiful, and very caring” (but maybe don’t actually write that on LinkedIn).
Waiter. I’ve been to bars served by robots zigzagging at high speed between tables. Whenever a waiter passes by laden with beer mugs, you feel the urge to trip him, purely out of love for the chaos. But when a robot passes by, that impulse becomes irresistible. I did it this summer, causing a total malfunction — and in return, the robot brought me the empty tray six times. Robots have great memories and, therefore, an infinite capacity for grudges.
Electrician. The profession of someone who can wipe out all robots in the world just by unplugging a cable guarantees survival for centuries.
Hairdresser. No sensible person will ever place their throat within reach of a robot armed with scissors circling their head.
Pharmacist. Someone will have to dispense the mountains of antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds caused by the wave of unemployed the AI revolution will produce. And it’s preferable that the person is flesh and blood.
Gardener. A profession that makes no sense anymore. Any intelligent robot will do it better and faster this year. Yet gardeners will still have plenty of career opportunities in romantic movies. New LinkedIn slogan: “I’m a gardener, I bring you roses in bed with breakfast, and tonight I’m sleeping alone, baby.”
Dentist. For three months, I’ve been reading bombshell news that a group of scientists from China, Japan, or wherever the sun shines too directly, have discovered a drug that regenerates teeth and repairs cavities. Always a lie. The reality: the dentist is the plumber or electrician of your mouth; they will never disappear.
Mechanic. Unless the left manages to force electric cars and scooters on everyone, as long as we use real cars, mechanics will be necessary. And when we don’t need them anymore, they’ll still be needed—someone has to keep the beer flowing in the neighborhood. Journalists can’t do all the work.
Programmer. They will no longer have any useful role in the world of programming. But, as long as robots don’t wear black and have long hair, human programmers will remain indispensable—if only to prevent the heavy metal festival industry from collapsing.
Journalists. Are you asking if a profession that has already disappeared and will have no reason to exist in 2026 will be useful in the next decade? Perhaps, if the journalist isn’t too restless, as a decorative ornament in the OpenAI waiting room.
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