I Have No Object Permanence, and I Vote

Ever since I was a baby, I’ve wondered if my mother disappeared when she put her hands in front of her face. It was like magic: First, she was right there in front of me, and then with a wave of her fingers, she completely vanished. Even now, as an adult, I still can’t figure out how she did it. Was there a trap door beneath her? Did she cross into another dimension? Perhaps she just stopped existing for a brief period of time. I might never know the answer to that, but I do know that I vote.

Maybe I’m just someone who lives in the moment, and that’s why I vote for candidates who only think about the now rather than about the past, future, or any people who might not be in my visual range at the moment. Whoever sends me a flyer with the candidate’s picture first tends to get my support, because I can keep it in my pocket and keep checking whether that guy is still around. And before you criticize me for saying, “guy,” remember that my mother left me alone as an infant with no babysitter except a pair of floating hands. Plus, I tend to see those men on television a little more than women, so, uh, we know who’s actually a consistent physical part of reality.

That’s not to say that some men—but not all men!—aren’t part of the problem. When my cruel uncle stole my nose and mocked me with it between his two fingers, I learned an important political lesson that I had to value what I had while I had it in the same room. If he had left the room with my nose, I’m not sure what would’ve happened. Would I even have memories of having it? Thank God he gave it back after I tearfully begged because I like smells, and also smelling things. Eventually, my uncle walked out of the house, and that was the end of him until Thanksgiving, when he was reborn anew.

With a brain that’s permanently set to read-only, it’s easy for me to pick strong candidates who don’t waste time planning ahead because “ahead” is an illusion. If they said something racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic in the past, they’re definitely not saying it now in this speech I’m watching on TV. Or if they are, at least it’s already been said, which is as good as it never having been said. And of course, I’m going to vote for someone who I can see and not someone who isn’t on camera at that moment. If they’re not on camera, did they leave the country or something? Seems irresponsible. Oh, wait, they’re on TV now too. Strange.

But how can I vote for someone who says we need to invest in our children’s future when I’m pretty sure the future is a hoax, since, right now, the present is always the present, as far as I know. Why would I support the funding of bridges if every bridge that I’ve seen has always existed, and every lack of a bridge means no bridges exist? Why would I vote against a war in Iran if, as far as I can tell, we’ve consistently been at war with Iran since the solar system formed? Although they definitely need to fix some of their technological issues. All those missiles seem like they’re going somewhere, disappear, and then it’s like no missile was ever fired at all, and that girl’s school was already destroyed. So what’s the point?

When I go into that voting booth, I think about three important things: What the man on the pamphlet looks like, what the name of the man on the pamphlet is, and whether or not that man is trapped in the pamphlet and needs help to get out. Sometimes the man does get out when I fold the pamphlet, and he’s gone, but then sadly trapped again when I open it back up. I’d advise others to do the same with their votes, but I believe all polling locations had closed when mine no longer appeared in my rearview mirror.

You might say that I’m just somebody who’s focused on what’s really important: Not remembering anything but my feelings and being convinced that I am the arbiter of the human experience because I am the only one who continually exists. Because, after all, I’m always where I am, whereas my mom was negligent to a fault. So if there’s a loud man on television all the time, I know he’s real, and I know he’s got my vote as long as he sends that pamphlet.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to buy a new iPhone because it’s not in my hand right now, so it must’ve been destroyed.