I was a Meta HR manager before getting laid off. If I could speak to my younger self, here's what I'd tell her.

• Chikara Kennedy worked at Meta for nearly five years before getting laid off.
• Kennedy said to lean on your network after a layoff and let yourself feel the emotions of job loss.
• She said one mistake she made was waiting too long after the layoff to ask for support.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Chikara Kennedy, the 43-year-old CEO of Chikara Power Coaching, who lives between Mexico and Virginia. Business Insider has verified Kennedy's employment with documentation and edited her words for length and clarity.

Before launching my own company, I worked at Meta for nearly five years. Then, when Meta began implementing layoffs in 2023, I was impacted, too.

I was a high performer with strong reviews and recognition. The layoff was a shock. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and didn't want to tell anyone — it felt like I'd done something wrong.

Today, I realize I hadn't done anything wrong. If I could speak to my younger self, here's the advice I would give.

It's OK to feel how you feel

When the layoff happened, I had just gotten divorced and had other personal challenges going on at the time, too, so I didn't have the words or energy to defend myself or explain what had happened to those who were reaching out.

I felt like I had to hide what happened. For a while, I was paralyzed — unable to think about next steps or explain myself. If I could go back and speak to myself that day, I'd say: it's OK to feel everything.

A layoff is a real loss, and it deserves space to be felt. Crying, feeling sad, being scared — that's all part of the process. You're not alone. Don't isolate yourself — talk to people you trust, people who understand what you're going through, and who can help you broaden your perspective without trying to fix everything for you.

Being kind to yourself is needed.

Step back and evaluate what you truly want to do

After my layoff, there was a lot of pressure to immediately find another job. Colleagues and family were encouraging me: "Have you seen this role? You should apply here." It was well-meaning, but it felt too overwhelming at the time.

One voice stood out, a coach who said, "This is your time to do something different. You could be so much more than what you were doing before." That advice stuck with me. I asked myself what I truly wanted, and that was to take a retreat to Bali.

I was waiting for my sabbatical at Meta before taking my trip. When the layoff happened, I realized I didn't need to wait for external reasons to give myself permission to explore something new.

Through my layoff, I learned to pause, take a moment, and ask myself: "What do I truly want next? What am I good at? What would make my life meaningful beyond just replacing my old job?" For me, that was Bali, and later starting my own coaching business.

For others, it could be taking an art class or coaching your kids' soccer team.

Document your wins

After leaving Meta, I didn't immediately ask for my performance reviews or recommendations. Later, I had to go back and gather them, which was stressful. A lot of times, we don't remember everything we've done, all the people we've talked to, or all the conversations we've had.

I learned that it's important to capture your impact as soon as possible. Document your successes, secure recommendations, and maintain the relationships that matter. That way, your contributions aren't lost, and you can move forward with confidence.

Don't be afraid to quickly lean on your network

At the same time, I leaned on the authentic relationships I'd built throughout my career. Those people weren't just connections — they were perspectives, mentors, and guides who helped me navigate the process and expand my options.

One mistake I made was letting fear and shame paralyze me. I waited too long to ask for support, to capture my accomplishments, or to reach out to mentors. That cost me time and energy.

I thought that because I had been successful before, things would naturally work out. I didn't do enough research or leverage the resources available to me to understand how the market had shifted or how interviews were evolving.

I've learned to act quickly to preserve my work and leverage support.

Learn about the job market; it's different now

One of the biggest shifts I had to make was how I thought about jobs. I realized that jobs are contracts — they're not a reflection of your worth.

We're often taught that if you work hard and perform well, you'll get the job or the promotion. That's not necessarily how it works anymore. It's not a question of your work or your performance — there are bigger shifts happening, and adjusting to that mentally is really hard.

Instead of approaching opportunities like I needed to prove myself and get hired, I started asking a different question: What can I do to help this company or organization solve a problem? That's a completely different way of looking at things.

It also changed how I saw myself. I started thinking about how to market myself as an expert in my field, how to network with other experts, and how to approach opportunities differently.

Treat a layoff as both an emotional and a strategic process

You have to take care of yourself and process what happened, but at the same time, you need to step back and manage the business of your life — your career, your finances, and your next steps — instead of rushing to replace what you lost.

The same level of effort you put into your job — taking courses, doing research, preparing for projects — should also be put into yourself.

I thought the layoff was the worst thing that could have happened to me. Now, I see it as the catalyst for the life I have today. Since then, I've started my own company and moved to Mexico. I've done things I never would have imagined before the layoff — and I wouldn't trade the life I have now for the one I had before.

Have you been laid off in Big Tech and want to share your story? Contact this editor, Agnes Applegate, at aapplegate@businessinsider.com.