Introducing HelloFresh’s New Indian Mom Edition, Featuring Tupperware You Must Return Immediately

Tired of our regular meals? Looking for something exotic and authentic? Will frying another skinless chicken breast make you lose your will to live?

Then it’s time to subscribe to HelloFresh Indian Mom.

Personally curated by hundreds of Indian moms, our new meal kits share ancient secrets passed down for generations straight to you. Yes, you, who grew up in a racist town in the Midwest and thinks cheese is a condiment. Or you, an actual Indian failing their heritage and eating pasta and ham sandwiches.

Each meal kit is personally delivered to your home by an Indian mom with a giant cooler bag. You’ll have to unpack it immediately because she’ll want it returned right away. She needs it.

Inside, you’ll find all the seventy-eight ingredients to make a delicious, wholesome meal for a dozen people. Our Indian Mom offering is low-carbon and cost-saving, so ingredients may be packed in reused containers, which makes for a delightful game. “Is this a box of margarine from 2008? Surprise: it’s cumin!”

You’ll receive instructions via typo-filled texts. Don’t get upset if they don’t include specifics, like measurements or duration times. Instead, you’ll get vague directives like, “Add a little bit more,” or “Stir until it looks ready,” or “No, not that way.”

Experience the thrill of using your own judgment and doing it like they did in the olden days. But if you prefer more detailed recipes or would like to know if the oil is supposed to do that, our customer support is just a call away.

Enjoy superior-quality FaceTimes with an Indian mom who switches between landscape and portrait modes every ten seconds and moves from room to room in a hurry, like she’s being chased by an intruder. Don’t worry, she’s fine: she just always has things to do, and everyone around her is useless and lazy.

Lastly, we know you tell your friends you can handle spice and that you loved visiting Mumbai. But for those of you who are goddamn liars and spent most of that trip eating at McDonald’s, we’ve included a spice level chart that ranges from “This is just white rice” to “I hope the toilets at work are empty tomorrow.”

We’re confident you’ll love your Indian Mom Meals, but if you don’t, we’re including a takeout menu from a local Indian restaurant that’d be happy to take your money to reheat Sunday’s Butter Chicken.