6 NASA Missions To Put A Urinal On The Moon That Ended In Disaster And 2 That Ended In Success

Several times in NASA’s history, the organization has attempted to put a urinal on the moon. Sadly, these missions have not all been successful. In fact, many have ended in complete disaster for everyone involved. However, sometimes they have also managed to pull it off. It’s a mixed bag for the folks at NASA. Here are six NASA missions to put a urinal on the moon that ended in disaster and two that ended in success.

1. Mission Name: Cloacina 1

Mission Date: July 29, 1958

Mission Status: Failure

On the first day that NASA began operating, aerospace engineers from the organization gathered at Cape Canaveral to launch Cloacina 1, a mission named after the Roman goddess of sewers. The goal of the mission was to put a urinal on the moon in order to “figure out if the moon likes when that happens.” No rockets had been built yet, so NASA engineers paid a local body builder to throw the urinal as high as he could into the sky and hope that it landed on the moon. Unfortunately, the bodybuilder was only able to throw the urinal about a mile into the sky before it fell back down to Earth and crushed the smartest scientist in the world, whose name nobody remembers. The loss of the very smart scientist set the space program back years.

2. Mission Name: Cloacina 2

Mission Date: July 30, 1958

Mission Status: Failure

Showcasing the organization’s trademark resilience and perseverance in the face of tragedy, NASA engineers reconvened at Cape Canaveral the very next day to launch the Cloacina 2 mission. While this mission employed much of the same basic technology as the failed Cloacina 1 mission front he previous day, including the bodybuilder, NASA engineers also attempted to increase the likelihood of success by taping a balloon and a gun to the urinal, and also painting a bright red racing stripe on it. Despite these modifications to the urinal, however, the bodybuilder was only able to hurl it into the lower mesosphere before it plummeted back to Earth, flattening both the newly appointed smartest scientist in the world along with the most handsome man in the United States. Following the failure of Cloacina 2, the bodybuilder was sentenced to 30 years in prison for being so bad at space travel.

3. Mission Name: Zeus Of Piss 2

Mission Date: April 19, 1965

Mission Status: Failure

The first Zeus Of Piss mission, Zeus Of Piss 1, involved astronauts looking at a picture of the moon while taking a piss on Earth. Zeus Of Piss 1 was a resounding success, and NASA proved that it was possible for humans to think about the moon while taking a piss on Earth without suffering any negative physical consequences outside of a minor nosebleed. The next year, NASA attempted Zeus Of Piss 2, a mission designed to learn if it was possible for humans to think about the Earth while taking a piss on the moon. In order to do this, they needed to get a urinal onto the moon. Unfortunately, the unmanned spacecraft carrying the urinal that NASA launched into space never made it to the moon because NASA had made the mistake, common in the early days of space travel, of simply pointing the rocket in the general direction of the moon in the night sky and firing it straight into the air. It wasn’t until the Zeus Of Piss 2 spacecraft flew past the moon, missing it by over 450,000 miles, that NASA realized that this “point and launch” method of space travel was ineffective.

4. Mission Name: Apollo 11

Mission Date: July 16, 1969

Mission Status: Success

In 1969, NASA finally achieved its dream of putting a urinal on the moon. Astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin successfully landed on the moon and installed a fully functioning urinal. As Armstrong took the first human piss on the lunar surface in history, he famously said, “That’s one big foot of my own, and everyone’s jumping up and down.” Those immortal words will forever be associated with the first time a man took a piss on the moon. Michael Collins was there too, unfortunately.

5. Mission Name: Apollo 13

Mission Date: April 11, 1970

Mission Status: Failure

The astronauts got halfway to the moon, but then had to turn around because they forgot to not have their spaceship explode. Upon returning to Earth, the astronauts involved were sent to jail.

6. Mission Name: Cloacina 3

Mission Date: November 16, 1981

Mission Status: Failure

In 1981, NASA revived the controversial Cloacina program with the intent of putting another urinal on the moon. While critics pointed out that there was already a perfectly good urinal on the moon, NASA officials argued that there needed to be two urinals on the moon so that astronauts could hold hands while pissing in space. At the time, they believed that two astronauts holding hands while pissing on the moon at the same time would help humans learn more about quantum mechanics. Massive technological advancements allowed NASA to use a much taller bodybuilder with much longer hair to throw the urinal up into the sky. Unfortunately, due to a computational error, the bodybuilder ended up throwing the urinal horizontally through the air instead of straight up into the sky and into outer space. The urinal collided with a nearby car and the resulting explosion killed 45 astronauts.

7. Mission Name: Zeus Of Piss 3

Mission Date: August 19, 1994

Mission Status: Failure

Zeus Of Piss 3 aimed to utilize advancements in space shuttle technology to safely transport a new urinal onto the surface of the moon. Unfortunately, a navigation error resulted in the crew of the shuttle accidentally landing on Mars. Although the crew was able to install the urinal on the surface of the red planet and establish a thriving civilization there which now consists of about 650,000 men, women, and children, NASA considers Zeus Of Piss 3 to be one of its most humiliating setbacks.

8. Mission Name: Cloacina 4

Mission Date: February 9, 2009

Mission Status: Success

The technological breakthroughs of the digital age enabled NASA to recruit a bodybuilder whose hair was so long that it went all the way to the floor. Due to this crucial engineering innovation, the bodybuilder was able to throw the toilet all the way to the moon. Sadly, when the urinal crashed into the lunar surface, it crushed a man, but fortunately, it was some boring guy who wasn’t even good at guitar. The bodybuilder was given a $50 gift card to Apple Music as a reward for his heroic role in the mission, and NASA was able to finally achieve their decades-long dream of having two urinals on the moon. NASA is currently developing the Artemis missions to send astronauts back to the lunar surface to piss in these urinals, and then once they do that they will be done with space forever.