Trump Wakes From Beautiful Dream Kissing Underage Girl To Find Face Being Licked By St. Bernard

WASHINGTON—Opening his eyes after nodding off for several minutes at his desk in the Oval Office, President Donald Trump is said to have awoken Friday from a beautiful dream about kissing an underage girl only to find himself being licked in the face by a St. Bernard. “Oh yeah, Vanessa, I love how slobbery your kisses are,” said the commander-in-chief, the last vestiges of the dream state in which he was making out with a 14-year-old model reportedly disappearing to be replaced by the reality of a large dog with its paws on his shoulders enthusiastically lapping at his face. “Mm, your long, brown hair is so soft and luxurious, and I can feel your hot breath on my neck. You’ve got to be one of the sexiest teenagers under 18 ever. Ooh, yeah!”  At press time, sources confirmed Trump had had fallen asleep again only to be woken by a tail repeatedly whacking him in the face.

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