Tales from the Coffeeshop: A ‘frank and open’ discussion on the bases, Prez style

PREZNIKTWO has embraced a new cause that is certain to win him many brownie points and give his flagging approval ratings a much-needed boost. He will raise the issue of the British bases with the UK government, after the end of the war in Iran.

This was the theme of his visit to Brussels and brought up in the first speech he made on Wednesday, when he described the bases as a “colonial remnant” which they are. He is too timid to openly demand their withdrawal, but he said, “when the crisis is over, we need to have an open and frank discussion with the British government.”

Going into the European Council meeting on Thursday morning he returned to his new cause. The bases “are something that is a colonial consequence”, he said in a statement of the bleeding obvious, before bringing up his plan for an “open and frank discussion with the British government”.

Again he refused to call for their withdrawal, even after being asked whether he wanted them gone. “We have a clear approach with regard to the future of the British bases” but he was “not going to negotiate in public”.

All he was being asked for was a straight answer – a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ – which he could not give.

THE CAUSE of the “frank and open discussion” was given major boost by the European Council, which included it in its conclusions.

In its conclusions, the council said it “acknowledges the intention of Cyprus to initiate a discussion with the UK about the UK bases in Cyprus and stands ready to assist when needed.”

How would the EU assist? Console the UK when it loses its sovereign bases in Kyproulla, or would it appoint a special envoy to the negotiations like the one it has for the Cyprob who serves no purpose? It is all pretty abstract but the reference by the EU gives the Prez’s cause a certain seriousness.

The Prez even brought up the issue, in the same half-baked way, in an interview he gave to Bloomberg TV, when he said: “When it is over, we need to put everything on the table, discuss and decide together on the future of the bases.”

Again, he refused to mention the word withdrawal or abolition in relation to the bases. This was a bit like the stock response to the question about the bases first used by Mini Me – “nothing has been ruled out.”

Somehow, I just can’t see the Brits deciding together with our Prez to scrap the bases. They will not even sit at the table on which everything will be placed, even if the EU tries to assist them.

KYPROULLA may have been a target because of the British bases, but would it not also be a target if the bases left and the Yanks moved into the Andreas Papandreou air base for the improvements for which they are currently paying?

More importantly, would President Donald Trump agree to the removal of the bases – which are also used by the Yanks – from Kyproulla? Trump was furious with the Brits’ decision to hand the Chagos Islands, on which there was a joint military base with the US, back to Mauritius in 2025. He called it “an act of great stupidity”.

Also, would our Prez want to piss off the UK and the US over the bases, given his objective to make Kyproulla a Nato member? 

This is why nothing has been ruled out by our government – not even the possibility of the British bases staying after the open and frank discussion, with everything on the table.

WITHOUT Kyproulla’s help, the EU would know very little about what was actually going on in the Middle East, said the Prez in his interview with Bloomberg TV in yet another commendable attempt to give our tiny and insignificant island some international relevance.

He spoke about the importance of Kyproulla’s role within the EU during the crisis presenting it as its liaison with the Middle East! “We do not know the region from books. We know it because of geography and relationships, and we are transferring this experience to the European Union.”

If we were living in the 18th century, the Prez may have had a point, but in the 21st century the EU does not need Kyproulla to inform it about what is happening in the Middle East. It probably has relationships with the region which are not Kyproulla’s monopoly.

THE CHARACTER assassination campaign against the deposed mayor of Paphos Phedonas Phedonos by Phednews continues despite the fact that the guy has not just been assassinated, he has also been declared the anti-Christ.

Not satisfied that Phed will face charges of rape, sexual assault and drugging a person, the paper has been searching for evidence so he can also be charged with alleged wife-beating. And as if all this was not bad enough, Phednews has also been making allegations of corruption and unauthorised use of municipality money, demanding an investigation by the audit office as well.

Phednews’ thirst for Phed’s blood is unquenchable.

PHEDNEWS could not hide its joy on Wednesday when it reported that a senior-ranked employee of Paphos municipality, Katia Constantinidou, had won the case she had brought against Phed and the municipal secretary, Themis Philippides, for unfair dismissal.

This was not a model employee, but a rusfeti beneficiary, who was sacked twice by the municipality. In 2022 she won her appeal on technical grounds, (something about the taking of minutes) but was fired again in May 2024 and appealed.

In Monday’s decision, her appeal was again upheld on a technical reason – the composition of the council that decided her sacking violated the principle of impartiality because Phed and the secretary were on it. Constantinidou had reported Phed for physical assault and Philippides of bullying (accusations that were never proved) so they should not have had a say in her dismissal.

Constantinidou was hired through the back door in a specially created position, on a top salary (A13 pay-scale), on the orders of Nik I, whose wife was a work colleague of Constantinidou’s dad. I am almost certain that both her dismissals were perfectly justified, even though the decision was taken by the Antichrist.

THREE cheers for the Fidias Party Parliamentary candidate Valerie Tarapai, not just for her exotic surname, but for using some very convincing patriotic arguments to explain why she had spent two year in a Turkish Cypriot prison for possession of 170 grams of cannabis.

The pseudo court had sentenced her to three years in prison in 2017, when she was just 20 years old, but she was out after two for good behaviour. In response to news reports last week about her time inside, Tarapai, said that she had a clean criminal record in the Cyprus Republic.

Speaking to Phednews, Tarapai, now 30 years old, explained that “we do not recognise the laws in the occupied area because their laws are not aligned to the laws of the EU and the Cyprus Republic…..in the occupied area they do not protect people, they do not protect youth.”

She won my vote when she said, “Apart from the specific incident, I never had any problem with the law in any European country, in any country that has normal laws.”

WHEN there is a positive bit of news about Kyproulla either the Prez or Mini Me insists on explaining its earth-shattering significance to the idiot members of the public.

For example, after the Standard & Poor’s issued its positive outlook for our economy, the Prez had to explain on ‘X’ that this constituted another strong and tangible vote of confidence in the economy of the country, especially in a period of intense geopolitical instability.

He did not mention in his comment that the S&P assessment of the economy took place before the war on Iran started.