Job Applicant Informed Role Of Pig Boy Has Been Filled 

MILWAUKEE—Dashing his hopes of taking on the new opportunity, local job applicant Mark McCarthy was reportedly informed by email Wednesday that the role of pig boy had already been filled. “While we appreciate your obvious skill at eating up slop and rolling around in the mud on your fat, pink belly, we have moved forward with another candidate,” the message read in part, noting that the company would be sure to keep McCarthy’s resume on file in the event it again needed someone to stick his hoggish snout in the dirt and snort around for truffles while being pelted with crab apples. “Unfortunately, the job market is very competitive at the moment, and we received applications from over 100 oinking, garbage-munching porksters. We wish you the best of luck in your continued effort to jostle alongside a dozen other porcine losers to eat from a trough while a higher-up shouts, ‘Sooey, sooey!'” Reached for comment, McCarthy acknowledged that he would probably need to spend a few years volunteering as a pig boy before he would be able to receive payment for the role.

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