Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Screams, ‘Fuck! I’m Dying!’

WASHINGTON—Further fueling speculation that the commander-in-chief might have undisclosed medical conditions, rumors regarding President Trump’s health swirled Friday after he screamed, “Fuck! I’m dying!” during a press conference. “Fuck! I’m fucking dying! Oh God, it hurts! Ahhhhhhh!” Trump said in response to a question about the ongoing war in Iran, sparking fervent discussion among Beltway insiders over whether the president wincing in pain while clutching his chest and screaming, “I see the light, I see the light,” could potentially signal a serious illness he had failed to share with the public. “Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh! This is it! Here I go! I can feel my body shutting down! Jesus Christ, it’s all over!” At press time, further concerns about the president’s health emerged after paramedics were spotted lifting Trump’s body into a body bag, zipping it up, and wheeling it out of the West Wing on a stretcher.

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