Money Anxiety Is Real for Some 'Frugal' Kids and Teens. Here's How Parents Can Help Ease Their Minds

Meg, a New York City mom of two, says her son, 19, has had extreme finance-based anxiety since he was in the fourth grade.

“He doesn’t want to spend any money — not ours or his,” she says, “to the point where if he hangs out with friends and they get Chipotle, he will order only chips and then eat their leftovers.”

Though he’s worked and saved his own money for years, he opts out of vacations and prefers cheap local buses over Ubers for getting off his college campus. He calls himself “frugal,” says his mom.

“He’s an anxious kid,” says Meg (who has asked that her real name be changed for privacy reasons). She says she’s always been careful to not discuss her own financial stresses in front of him, and figures that money “is the way his anxiety manifests.”  

Christine (also a pseudonym), another New York mom, says her 12-year-old is overly concerned about the money spent on their dog, adopted two years ago.

“She is very expensive, and I didn’t realize how much I talked about the cost of the vet, the food, the dog walkers,” she says. “I may have shared too much.” Now her son often asks her, only half-kidding, when they can give the dog up for adoption.

Beyond that main worry, Christine says, “He’s frugal,” often telling her in the aisles of Costco that she “doesn’t need” whatever it is she puts in her cart, and declaring small luxuries, like games, “ripoffs.”

While some kids are more than happy to have their parents spend lots of money on them — and open to using their own hard-earned cash on items from Starbucks to clothing — others find such ideas stressful.

Why Are Some Kids So Anxious About Money?

“Issues around safety, control, and not knowing what will happen next is what causes the most anxiety in adolescents. Money can just be the symbol they grabbed onto,” says Riky Hanaumi, Clinical Director at Quadrant Health Group and longtime teen therapist.

“A child may not fully understand budgets, debt, or cost of living, but they understand tension, canceled plans, changed routines, and the look on a parent’s face when there’s an unexpected expense,” she says. “A lot of times parents believe they have managed to hide a problem from their child, but they can notice the changes in your face, in your emotions, in your behavior.”

Financial therapist Lindsay Bryan-Podvin, author of The Financial Anxiety Solution, says it’s important for parents to “zoom out” and think about the world from their kid’s perspective.

“Kids are so attuned to the world that they are in, and they’re so cognizant of things that you think you might be hiding from them, including financial stress,” she says. “They will start to pick up on those cues and then pair them with things that they’re hearing or seeing — news about the economy being bad, or about layoffs, or about the increased cost of goods or groceries.” Then, while they may not have any context about the financial reality of your household, their brains will fill in the gaps.

“And they often fill in the gaps with things that are scary,” she says, jumping to conclusions about how the family may be in deep financial trouble, and worrying that “something bad” could happen.  

Because today’s kids pay attention to “a wider world” more than previous generations did, notes Illinois-based therapist Lynn Zakeri, “Some are anxious not because their parents are anxious, but because they feel responsible earlier than they should. They worry AI will take over the job market, that their parents will lose jobs, that they won’t be able to support their own kids.”

Further, she adds, “Some kids are temperamentally more sensitive and conscientious, so they pay attention to fairness.”

Those kids and teens, adds Bryan-Podvin, who also serves as the financial therapist for Cash App, tend to feel empathy in a big way. “That can show up in family dynamics as like, ‘I will take on the worry,’ and ‘I will take on the vigilance, because I can imagine what my mom or parent might be feeling.’”

The way parents talk about — or studiously avoid talking about — finances is also a factor.

Try to keep a lid on your own insomnia-inducing worries, suggests Jean Chatzky, CEO of HerMoney and a mother of two. “Your kids need to understand that when it comes to your family financial situation, they’re safe, bottom line,” she says. But that doesn’t mean to keep them totally in the dark. “I do think it’s important to share with them details that are relevant to their own lives,” she says, whether that’s discussing the budget for their summer activities or the college you can afford for them to attend.

Because saying too little can be risky, as well. “Anytime a parent says, ‘I don’t talk about money,’ I say whatever you are not talking about speaks volumes,” says Bryan-Podvin. “So just like households that do not speak about puberty or sex, the message you’re sending is that ‘this is shameful, this is private. This is something that is too big or too scary for you.'”

Even if a child’s household is financially stable and secure, she explains, a kid might compare their family’s situation to that of other people around them — looking closely at the type of vacations they take and where they go out to dinner — “and then make assumptions about their own family being in distress.”

How to Help a Kid Who’s Anxious About Money

Bryan-Podvin suggests a multi-pronged approach: get to the root of the anxiety, communicate mindfully, build financial skills together, and consider getting professional help if your teen’s worries are severe.

Instead of jumping to conclusions about their financial worries and rushing to problem solve — Meg telling her son that she’ll pay for his Uber, for example — find out what’s really going on. “Ask, ‘What are you worried about here? What do you mean when you say it’s expensive?’ So literally, starting at the beginning. Ask them what’s underneath that worry. Ask, ‘What are you worried might happen?’”

Perhaps they’ll think you won’t be able to afford groceries if you pay for an Uber. Or that you’ll be upset with them, thinking that they wasted your money. Whatever it is, having an answer allows you to address the stress head-on.  

Regarding mindful communication, Bryan-Podvin suggests parents think about the messages they’re sending — even when it comes to sarcastic comments like the ole “money doesn’t grow on trees.” In short, “be cognizant of the things that you’re saying and how you might be saying them,” she says.

In that same vein, she suggests helping your adolescent build basic financial skills by giving them some access to money that they can manage for themselves, whether through Cash App Families or other tools which “provide guardrails.”

And then, “if your kid is still really distressed, and it’s impacting their ability to go to school or do their homework,” she says, “it’s definitely worth it to talk to a therapist and see if maybe there isn’t an underlying or bigger mental health concern there.”