A Parent’s Guide to Dealing with Crazy Parents

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Download a Sample Parent Code of Conduct Here

 

Download the Calm Parent Sideline Guide Here

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Over the years I’ve shared plenty of nightmare stories about parent behavior on the sidelines of travel, AAU, or high school basketball games.

If you’ve been around youth sports long enough, you’ve seen it too.

Parents yelling instructions.
Parents arguing with officials.
Parents criticizing coaches.
Parents embarrassing their own kids.

But here’s something important to remember:

Most parents are well-intentioned.

They love their kids.
They want them to succeed.
They just get caught up in the moment and don’t realize the impact their behavior is having on their child, the team, and the other families around them.

So what can you do when the parents around you start to lose their minds during a game?

Here are some practical solutions.

Separate Yourself

I love standing on the sideline or sitting in the bleachers and simply watching my kids play.

Since I spend so much time coaching basketball, it’s nice to put the coaching mindset away and just enjoy the game.

That’s hard to do if you’re surrounded by people yelling instructions, criticizing coaches, or screaming at officials.

So I make a simple choice.

I separate myself.

You will almost never find me sitting in the middle of the parent section. Instead, I sit at the top of the bleachers or stand quietly near the corner of the gym with one or two other parents who are just there to watch the game.

I want to watch my kids play.

I don’t want to listen to someone scream at a referee.

Don’t Buy In

Parents have been questioning coaching strategy since the first kid stepped on a court back in the days of James Naismith.

But just because others are doing it doesn’t mean you have to participate.

When the complaining starts, you have two simple options:

• Change the subject
• Walk away

Sure, referees make mistakes.

But let me ask you something.

Have you ever made a mistake at work?

Would you want someone walking up and down the halls of your office yelling:

“Come on moron! That’s clearly the wrong way to report those expenses!”

Of course not.

So don’t do it to officials.

And remember something even more important:

When parents blame officials, kids learn to make excuses.

I once had another parent say to me after my daughter missed a layup:

“Hey Mike, that was a foul. Where’s the call?”

My response was simple:

“She has to go up strong and make the shot. You can’t depend on the official to make the call.”

Put control back where it belongs – with the player.

It’s Not About You

In my experience, the parents who tend to be the most relaxed during games are often those who had successful sports careers themselves.

Why?

Because they already have their identity.

They don’t need their child’s performance to validate them.

That’s not true in every case, but it happens a lot.

If you feel yourself getting worked up during a game, take a breath and remind yourself of one simple truth:

This game is not about you.

It’s about your child.

It’s about their joy.

It’s about their journey.

Embrace Silence

Research on youth sports consistently shows something interesting:

Most kids want their parents to be quiet on the sideline.

They don’t want instructions.

(Coach gives those.)

They don’t want yelling at officials.

(It’s embarrassing.)

They don’t even want constant cheering directed at them.

Many kids simply want their parents there watching.

Supportive.

Proud.

Calm.

Sometimes the best thing a parent can do at a game is simply say nothing at all.

Remember: Coaches Notice Everything

If you coach basketball long enough, you quickly learn something:

You’re not just evaluating players.

You’re evaluating parents too.

Two quick stories.

At one AAU tryout, a father stood on the sideline yelling instructions at his son every time he touched the ball.

Shoot.
Drive.
Pass.
Don’t do that.

The player was good enough to make the team.

But I didn’t pick him.

Not because of the player.

Because of the father.

At another tryout, one evaluation sheet simply said:

“CRAZY MOM.”

That player didn’t make the team either.

Coaches know who the problem parents are.

And sometimes the behavior of the parent affects opportunities for the player.

Don’t be the reason your child loses an opportunity.

Find Another Team

If you find yourself surrounded by a group of parents who constantly create negativity, it might be time to consider another team.

Basketball should be fun.

If the sideline environment is miserable every weekend, it’s okay to find a better situation.

Look for:

• Positive coaches
• Supportive parents
• Kids who enjoy playing

Don’t let someone else’s behavior steal the joy from your child’s experience.

Encourage Parent Education

Sometimes the best solution is education.

Many youth basketball organizations are now introducing parent meetings or sideline behavior guidelines to help create a healthier environment.

Encourage your coach, league, or organization to talk about expectations for parents.

A simple parent code of conduct can make a huge difference.

Because when the sidelines are calm and supportive, everyone benefits.

Players enjoy the game more.

Coaches can coach.

And parents can actually enjoy watching their kids compete.

Final Thought

Youth sports should be one of the best parts of childhood.

A place where kids learn:

• teamwork
• resilience
• discipline
• confidence

Parents play a huge role in that experience.

Sometimes the best way to support your child isn’t louder cheering or more instructions.

Sometimes it’s simply this:

Sit back.
Be calm.
And enjoy watching them play.

 

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