Trump Defends Wearing Fruit Hat, Samba Dancing During Dignified Transfer

WASHINGTON—Maintaining that his conduct was well within the guidelines for the solemn occasion, President Trump on Thursday defended his decision to wear a fruit hat while samba dancing during the dignified transfer of soldiers killed in Iran. “There’s no reason I can’t honor the sacrifice of these brave men and women while wearing a headdress piled high with bananas, oranges, and papayas,” said Trump, adding that only a corrupt media desperate to attack him would fault a president for clapping and shimmying in six-inch platform heels as the flag-draped caskets were carried past en route to their final resting place. “In fact, the parents of one of the deceased came up to me and said how moved they were to see me hop up on their son’s coffin lid and rapidly pulsate my hips for an unforgettable ‘Chica Chica Boom Chic’ number. They said their son would be proud to see me twirling on his remains, so who cares what other people think?” Trump went on to state that his choreography still wasn’t perfect but that he would have many more dignified transfers to get it just right.

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