Study Finds Mourning Loved Ones A Huge Waste Of Time

PHILADELPHIA—Hailing the discovery as a major step forward in the understanding of human psychology, University of Pennsylvania researchers published a study Monday revealing that mourning loved ones is a huge waste of time. “Contrary to past assumptions, our work suggests grieving a lost family member or friend is really just throwing away precious time on someone who is dead and isn’t even around to know that you’re sad,” said lead researcher Liam Cassidy, who stressed that common grief responses such as expressing collective sorrow, gathering for a wake, or simply weeping were activities on par in significance with scrolling through social media or watching a late-night infomercial. “Put simply, there is nothing of value added to one’s life by trying to process the death of a parent, sibling, or child, whether by looking through a box of their old things or producing art to commemorate their life. You should certainly never ask yourself ‘Where did they go?’ or ‘How can they be gone forever?’ in the moments after their death. What we’d recommend, instead, is simply forgetting they ever existed and going on to more worthwhile pursuits, such as building muscle at the gym or rebalancing your stock portfolio.” The study also concluded that the average person could save thousands of hours over their lifetime by simply never having loved ones in the first place.

The post Study Finds Mourning Loved Ones A Huge Waste Of Time appeared first on The Onion.