‘I honestly don’t know how I did it’: Abi Lyle on abuse, resilience and riding at the Olympics

On the latest episode of The Horse & Hound Podcast, Irish Olympic dressage rider Abi Lyle reflects on the pressures of Paris 2024, speaking publicly about abuse she survived, and how stepping back from competition helped her rediscover her love of riding.

Abi described the months leading up to the Olympics as one of the most difficult periods of her life, as she was also preparing to take part in the three-part Sky documentary Death of a Showjumper, which examined the murder of Katie Simpson and included Abi speaking publicly about violence she survived from the same man earlier in her life.

“I honestly don’t know how I did it,” Abi says. “I really don’t, because I was really affected by all of it.”

The emotional weight built steadily in the run-up to the Games, particularly as the trial of her former partner approached.

“There were just so many things going on in the background that were bringing everything up in a way you don’t really expect,” she says. “It made me feel so overwhelmed, like I was drowning.”

Despite this, Abi went on to compete at the Paris Olympics, producing a performance she says she can still remember in vivid detail.

“I remember the half-halts I gave. I remember thinking about certain things. I remember riding everything,” she says.

It was on the final centre line that she says that she really allowed herself to take in the moment.

“I remember just being like, ‘Whoa, I’ve done it.’ And then turning around and seeing the score was the best feeling. I looked up, saw 69%, and thought, ‘Thank you, everyone.’”

Abi Lyle on revisiting the abuse

Abi explains how taking part in the documentary, almost immediately after getting back from Paris, was ultimately an important experience for her, even if revisiting everything was intense.

“I’m so glad I did that,” she says. “I had never relayed my experiences chronologically like that before. Going through everything from start to finish was amazingly cathartic, because you realise: ‘Now I’m here. I’m fine, I’m safe, and I’m in a really healthy relationship’.”

She adds that revisiting those memories also helped her make sense of what had happened.

“It was good to actually feel things about it again, because a lot of it had been shut down,” she says. “Going through it step by step – and realising I got away, I rebuilt my life, and then went to the Olympics – was really powerful.”

Abi also reflected on what resilience means to her now, admitting it took time to recognise it in herself.

“I expected resilience to mean that I’d be absolutely fine now,” she says. “And I’m not. But actually that’s OK. That’s still resilience.”

While those who know her would all describe her as strong and brave, Abi says she once struggled with those labels because of the long-term mental effects of what happened.

“I thought that meant I wasn’t strong or resilient,” she says. “But now with therapy I realise that actually it’s normal – and that I am resilient because I’ve made the effort to work through it and build a life for myself.”

Abi says speaking publicly about her experiences feels important, partly because silence is where abuse holds its power.

“Their ability to silence you is their greatest power,” she says. “So once you take that away, that’s the best thing you can do.”

Abi’s advice to young riders – and anyone in an unhealthy relationship – is simple: don’t keep things to yourself.

“If you’re in any kind of relationship and feel like you can’t share what’s happening with people, that’s a problem,” she says. “The most powerful thing you can do is talk to someone.”

To hear more from Abi on riding at the Paris Olympics, speaking publicly about her experiences and why stepping back from competition helped her rediscover her motivation, listen to episode 174 of The Horse & Hound Podcast here, or search “The Horse & Hound Podcast” in your favourite podcast app.

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