Trump Defends Addition Of   Ballroom To    Air Force One

WASHINGTON—Having abandoned his pledge not to let construction interfere with the plane’s existing structure or aerodynamic design, President Donald Trump defended on Thursday his decision to add a “magnificent” neoclassical ballroom to Air Force One.

Trump, who appeared dismissive of photos that showed an excavator ripping into the famed Boeing 747, told reporters that demolishing portions of the aircraft was necessary to add a 90,000-square-foot reception hall to its port side. Critics, however, argued that the sprawling addition embellished with gold chandeliers and gilded Corinthian columns would dwarf the plane’s 231-foot metal fuselage, and that the removal of the propulsion system, landing gear, and an entire wing had gone forward without proper oversight or permits.

“I am pleased to announce that ground has been broken on the new, big, beautiful Air Force One Ballroom,” Trump wrote in a post on Truth Social, adding that the crystal floor lamps, checkered marble floors, and coffered ceiling with gold inlays would pay “total respect” to the original aircraft. “Air Force One was a cramped, tiny structure with Small Windows, Low Ceilings, and Terrible Bathrooms. It was nothing to look at. But soon the ugly engines and fuel tanks will be replaced with something spectacular!”

“Many people loved the wing,” Trump added. “But I could not sacrifice a gorgeous ballroom just to hold onto a single, past-its-prime wing.”

The project, which is expected to cost over $300 million, is one of many high-profile renovations Trump has planned for Air Force One, including the addition of two towering flag poles to the plane’s nose and tail, the replacement of the aluminum alloy exterior with more “aesthetically pleasing” statuary marble, and the construction of a massive stone patio to host outdoor events at elevations of 30,000 feet.

At a private dinner given for the aircraft ballroom’s biggest corporate donors and attended by executives from Alphabet, Lockheed Martin, Comcast, and Coinbase, Trump said that the project would be “in keeping” with the plane’s highly technical design, but that he did not need approval from the Presidential Historical Commission, the Federal Aviation Administration, or the U.S. Air Force to make changes.

Renderings provided by the White House reportedly contained various errors such as ballroom windows that opened into the aircraft’s sewage tanks and a set of boarding stairs that led straight into a brick wall. However, Republican senators were quick to defend the president’s plans, claiming that contrary to the “fake news” manufactured by Democrats, the 1,350-person ballroom would not only improve the plane’s aesthetics, but also its aerodynamics, fuel efficiency, and nuclear-attack readiness. 

“I’m no aviation expert, but if Trump wants to remove an engine or a windshield or a traffic collision avoidance system, he has the right as president to do so,” said House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA), who added that the structural integrity of the commander-in-chief’s official aircraft was by no means “sacrosanct.” “Since when have Democrats known anything about lift? Or torque? Or physics? They’re just mad that every time they look at Air Force One they’re going to see an enormous, beautiful ballroom with Trump’s name in an elegant script font across the side.”

“This is going to benefit every American,” Johnson continued. “And hey, Democrats, if you ever win back the presidency, you can use it, too.” 

The post Trump Defends Addition Of   Ballroom To    Air Force One appeared first on The Onion.