Spring Training Diary: The Southpaw

I'm unlikely to be ready for Opening Day. Had my second Tommy John last spring. I was ramping up and then had a couple of big setbacks. A fridge fell on me. It was possessed, I think. I'd only had a couple of beers. The fridge was wobbling for a year or two. I was walking by and wham! it just toppled right over, knocking me into the wall. Luckily it hit my right shoulder and I turned my body just as I was about to jam the pitching shoulder into the wall. Then, a month later, I had a wild night at a casino and fell face first into a toilet. Chipped a tooth. The arm was fine. But those were real setbacks. Physically and psychologically.

I was planning to report to spring training after a nice winter with my family back home. Then I had some visa issues. The office was supposed to be open but the lights were off, and there were some shady guys outside with big guns.

Now it’s spring training. I finally got to camp yesterday and the clubhouse guy put my locker in the corner, next to the bathrooms. I hate bathrooms. Then I met with the trainer and he told me to keep on my strengthening routine. I'm using these elastic bands. No weights. He said the plan is to build me up and send me on a rehab assignment in May.

I can't begin throwing until April. I'll just be biding my time on the IL. The life of an injured pitcher.

Did I mention I'm a southpaw with a filthy sweeper? My RPMs are through the roof, but I can't really control it. I have reverse platoon splits because righties have no idea what to do with that sweeper as it comes bending in toward their knees.

I'm just looking for one more contract before I head off into the sunset, after my arm fully detaches from my body at the shoulder joint.