ICE Agent Injured After Repeatedly Trying To Detain People In Neighborhood Mural

MINNEAPOLIS—Bleeding profusely as he radioed for backup against the uncooperative crowd, Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent Ken Fischer was reportedly injured Tuesday after making repeated attempts to detain the people in a neighborhood mural. “I’ve got a couple dozen hostile and extremely large individuals impeding an officer—I need as many agents as you can send me, now!” said Fischer, who was heard howling in pain after a punch aimed at a Hispanic child’s face fractured several bones in his right hand. According to eyewitnesses, the agent went on to order the colorful tableau of smiling community members to “stop cooking and playing guitar” and “get the fuck on the ground,” after which he was seen scraping the skin off his knuckles while trying and failing to zip-tie the hands of a man posing with his family. Fischer is also said to have lobbed a tear gas canister at a woman reading the Bible with her baby, only to have it bounce off the painted edifice and strike him squarely in the groin. At press time, reports confirmed the agent had used his last moments of consciousness to inform ICE dispatch that the stationary two-dimensional figures had rammed his vehicle.

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