Dear Abby: Was I out of line to visit my first wife’s crypt?
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, my wife and I went out to the cemetery to lay some flowers for her brother and father, who passed away many years ago.
After we were finished, I stopped for a few minutes to check on my first wife’s crypt before returning to the car. When she asked what I had been doing, I told her I was making sure the plastic flowers were still there.
She was surprised that I still check on the crypt because my first wife had been gone for more than 16 years.
I married her, my second wife, 15 years ago. It was a wonderful marriage — until now. She said her feelings were hurt that I was still checking out the crypt. She asked me how often I do it, and I told her twice a year. She’s now upset with me.
Was I wrong to pay my respects? My parents’ crypts are nearby, and I check on theirs as well.
— STILL CARE IN THE WEST
DEAR STILL CARE: Your wife is being childish, and I hope you will point that out to her. Much as she might wish otherwise, you came to her with a history. (You were, I assume, happily married before your first wife’s death.)
Tell “Number Two” that checking on your deceased wife’s crypt isn’t a threat to her unless she chooses to make it so, and that Dear Abby suggests she knock it off before she damages a good thing.
DEAR ABBY: Since I was a small boy, silk fabric has always made me feel “safe.”
I remember wearing tights in the bathroom in front of the mirror or under my pajamas. Throughout the years, if nobody was around after work, I continued, but not around my wife, kids or now grandkids.
I don’t know why I enjoy them now in my 50s. Is this OK, or is something wrong with me? Am I missing one can in my six-pack?
— SMOOTH AS SILK IN VIRGINIA
DEAR SMOOTH: I don’t think you are missing anything in your six-pack or anywhere else. Males have been known to wear silk tights because it helps them stay warmer in cold weather. They have also been known to do it because it feels good next to their skin.
I wish you had mentioned why you felt it was necessary to smuggle this past your wife all these years, because there is nothing shameful about it. (Perhaps if you discuss it with her, she will tell you she wasn’t fooled but never mentioned it because you didn’t seem eager to talk.)
DEAR ABBY: My wife threatens to divorce me in most every situation in which I drink alcohol. The context doesn’t matter. Should I divorce her or try to work out another solution?
— THREATENED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR THREATENED: The first thing to do is understand why your wife feels as strongly as she does about your drinking.
Does she have a family history in which alcohol played a role? Does your personality change when you drink socially? How much are you drinking on a daily basis? Are other relationships affected by your drinking?
Once you have the answer to these questions, you can decide which is more important to you — the drinking or the marriage.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.