Fight against child abuse made more difficult by Epstein scandal

The children arrive every day.

"Monday we had 11 kids come in. Tuesday we had 10," said Char Rivette, chief executive officer of the Chicago Children's Advocacy Center. "Wednesday only six. Every day, brand new cases. I see them and think: How would this child feel if they thought they're being trivialized? Especially teenagers. How painful that is, to feel those feelings, being hurt so badly by multiple people throughout your life."

Hurt by being sexually abused. The few cases that enter the system — most are never reported — begin at the advocacy center at 1240 S. Damen, a colorful facility designed to be comforting to young victims.

"We investigate all allegations of child sexual abuse in the City of Chicago, with the Chicago Police Department and DCFS," said Rivette. "We come together to make sure these kids are heard, and move forward with investigations. We interview kids, make sure they have everything they need. We also do education, outreach and prevention. We want to put ourselves out of business."

We were talking because, with the Epstein files straddling the news, a salacious national scandal of the rich and powerful, and pedophilia now a casually flung political slur, I began to wonder how this affects people working in the trenches every day trying to help anonymous children who have been molested. I reached out to Rivette and asked how this affects her ability to do her job.

"Two things," she said. First: "I sigh, because this is a problem that has been historically huge in the world, especially in the United States. Then it gets sensationalized. We've been hearing about Epstein for years and years, and it can be really distracting from what happens. The sensationalism it creates in the media makes victims even more reluctant to come forward, because it doesn't feel safe. They're afraid they're not going to be believed, and nothing is going to change. ... This Epstein thing makes it seem more scary."

Second, she realizes: "OK, here's an opportunity to bring this to the forefront. I try to see it as an opportunity to educate."

So let's educate. What do people need to know?

Child sex abuse is common.

"One in four women report being sexually abused as kids," she said. "It's just so underreported."

The assailants are not jet-set real estate millionaires who sweet talk victims off playgrounds.

"The stats are that 90, 95 percent of children know their abuser," said Rivette. "A lot of those folks are relatives or people close to the family. Mom's boyfriend. A neighbor. Older cousins. That's far more problematic than being trafficked by a stranger or being picked up on the street. ... We see up to 2,000 cases a year here. There are kids coming in because of dad, cousin, uncle, boyfriend. That is the primary perpetrator. That is where we need to focus our energies."

So how can parents protect their kids?

"One is strong, healthy parenting," Rivette said. "We do lots of training here. For parents, we teach them to be very open and honest with their kids. Believe them when they express being uncomfortable around others. Keep clear and open lines of communication.

Another level, she said is "to teach children about their own body autonomy, and consent. Notice grooming behavior. Notice when they are being treated disrespectfully. Tell their parents when that is happening."

So much focus is put on teaching girls not to be victims, so little on teaching boys not to be predators.

"I'm a 60-year-old woman," Rivette said. "I grew up in the '60s and '70. We were always taught, what do you do when you leave the house. How do you protect yourself. Don't get drunk at a bar. All this stuff. My brother was never taught. It's not a strong message we hear. We are missing that part. Not only to protect themselves from being exploited, to teach all children of all genders to respect each other. Being a caring person isn't emasculating."

What should pop out of the Epstein saga is not the famous names, but that so many rich and powerful individuals knew and did nothing.

"The thing that drives me crazy about the Epstein situation and others is decades and decades of overlooking that behavior," Rivette said. "All those people witness those things, and the witnesses simply didn't do anything. We as adults, as good citizens and people who are responsible, it's our job to notice those signs.

"Be educated on signs of grooming — the coach pulling a kid aside to isolate them, give special gifts, rides home. Say something. You don't need to call the police. Say, 'Hey dude. I see that.' Tell that child, ''You know, we have rules here.' Observe. Report. Do not turn a blind eye. Believe these kids."