Bloodbath Imminent: CNN's Overpaid Hacks on Alert as Paramount Set To Acquire Failing Network's Parent Company

Paramount is closer than ever to acquiring CNN parent company Warner Bros. after Netflix declined to raise its bid for the media conglomerate. That's bad news for the failing network's stable of overpaid hacks, many of whom will be first in line for layoffs (or drastic salary reductions) once the acquisition goes through. Not surprisingly, the Trump administration has already signaled its support for the move.

Larry Ellison, whose Paramount Skydance empire recently took control of CBS News, met with White House officials late last year to discuss potential changes at CNN, including the possibility of "axing" some of Donald Trump's least favorite on-air personalities. The president is particularly disinclined toward Erin Burnett and Brianna Keilar, according to the Guardian, but they aren't the only partisan warriors with exorbitant salaries who might be targeted. Presumably some of the network's most irritating contributors, like the former Obama official and Harvard Kennedy School lecturer Juliette Kayyem, will be the first to go. The mood at CNN is as expected. Staffers told their former colleague Oliver Darcy that the "panic ... is off the charts."

What we're hearing: Paramount's acquisition would precipitate "brutal cuts" at CNN. The network employs production teams that are "super bloated" compared to Fox News and MS NOW; headcount could be slashed by as much as 70 percent. Many of the network's so-called stars are earning huge paychecks far exceeding their market value. Former CNN boss Jeff Zucker was notorious for "buying loyalty" with reckless generosity. No wonder they all cried when he was forced out in 2021 for sleeping with a subordinate.

Cutting the dead weight won't be easy, as many of these anchor contracts are guaranteed. If they're let go before their contracts expire, CNN's new owner would still have to pay out in full. Paramount could try to renegotiate contracts at a lower rate, and some of the "talent" would likely accept, given their negligible value on the free market. They will simply have to decide how badly they want to stay on television. Some will opt to leave and join their former colleague Jim Acosta on Substack interviewing Rosie O'Donnell and AI-generated dead people. If any of these anchors have been naughty enough to be fired for cause, Paramount will be more than happy to void their contracts.

Here's a look at the so-called talent whose cushy gigs might not be around much longer.

Anderson Cooper: The privileged scion who pioneered the iconic "tight black shirt in disaster zone" style of journalism now imitated by ABC's David Muir could be gearing up for early retirement. Cooper left his $2 million side gig at 60 Minutes earlier this month because he wanted to spend more time with his shirt off getting sloppy drunk with Andy Cohen with his kids.

Jake Tapper: The notorious hothead signed a new three-year contract in late 2024, so getting rid of him will be expensive. The 2020 Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year and former Democratic flack, best known for having dated Monica Lewinsky, will probably stick around until Anderson Cooper leaves because he has always wanted to be the highest-paid talking head on CNN (and wishes he had gone to Yale instead of Dartmouth). Yale grad Hunter Biden once challenged him to a fight; Tapper is lucky he didn't accept.

Kaitlan Collins: The 33-year-old former fashion reporter frequently clashes with Trump, but is reportedly not very high on the president's list of CNN hosts he wants fired. Maybe he missed her stellar breakdown of a 2024 Free Beacon report about Kamala Harris's alleged summer job at McDonald's that aged like milk.

Dana Bash: There's a reason Kamala Harris, who is (justifiably) terrified of speaking off-script, chose Bash to conduct the first sit-down interview of her failed campaign in 2024. Among other things, Bash has lamented the lack of multimillion-dollar contracts in the WNBA, a money-losing enterprise. She is the ex-wife of former Obama adviser Jeremy Bash, and is also the ex-wife of her CNN colleague John King.

Erin Burnett: Once described as "hot" many years ago, the evening host offers a safe space for Democrats to deliver their talking points. Trump doesn't like her, so she'll probably be gone if the merger goes through.

Abby Phillip: Best known for hosting the show that Scott Jennings appears on, Phillips rose to prominence in 2020 thanks to her "powerful monologue" about how Joe Biden's victory was a transformative event for black women. She routinely attempts to keep her panels in line by spouting dubious "facts" that in many cases turn out to be false.

Laura Coates: Non-white personalities are rare at CNN, and relatively underpaid and overlooked for promotions. The network could have made Coates its senior legal analyst in 2021, but opted to bring back Jeffrey Toobin—the infamous Zoom call masturbator—instead.

Wolf Blitzer: He's been around since the 1990s, but earns a rookie salary. Paramount might let him stay if he agrees to read the teleprompter for free. He's way too old to start a Substack.

John Berman: We've been told he's a real person who works at CNN, but we've never heard of him. Based on looks alone, this "John Berman" would attract a fair value of approximately $0 on the open market.

Brian Stelter: The so-called media expert, who courageously corrects the president's spelling errors, has already taken a massive pay cut to rejoin the network. CNN fired him in 2022 for his obnoxious anti-Trump antics, including his relentless promotion of criminal grifter Michael Avenatti. Stelter said this week that Paramount CEO David Ellison's expressed desire for "news that is balanced and fact-based ... sure sounds a lot like CNN's mission." Mission? Perhaps. Demonstrated behavior? Not so much.

Brianna Keilar: If Trump finds her annoying, she probably is.

Kasie Hunt: We thought she still worked for MSNBC. But what's the difference?

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