Revisions for Your Hopelessly Optimistic Dystopian YA Novel

Dear Sir/Madam,

While we are always on the lookout for the Next Big Thing, the editors regret to inform you that your manuscript, in its current form, is rejected on grounds of being unrealistic, absurdly optimistic, and, frankly, preferable to the current projections for the future.

If you would like to revise your submission, please consider changing the following:

• The protagonist growing up in a public orphanage suggests a centralized government with a sense of duty of care for its citizens and children. Have you considered cages?
• The orphanage is constructed with bricks and mortar and withstands a storm.
• The nuclear winter is seasonal and affects only that lawless part of Idaho, which should be avoided anyway.
• The AI program teaching the protagonist incendiary propaganda is consistent in its statements and presentation of events.
• Albeit it is used almost exclusively to extoll the virtues of Dear Leader, the AI program is further operating in an educational system that finds time for targeted academic mentoring.
• The need for propaganda at all suggests the influence and power of the governed. This becomes an issue in the latter stages of the book when you introduce the equally problematic Dissenting Voices among the elite.
• The ingredients in the daily portions of gruel are public knowledge and paid off after only six months at a 5 percent interest rate.
• The lottery deciding which orphan will be harvested for organs is proven to be free from manipulation by a governing body.
• As the harvesting of organs is so graphically described, it is inescapable that it happens in accordance with medical science and germ theory.
• Organs are harvested only to prolong life, not for cosmetic or culinary purposes.
• The burning of the de-harvested body of the protagonist’s friend indicates free access to fire and oxygen, rather than a monthly-fee subscription model.
• While love triangles typically sell, they also suggest the girl gets to choose. Revise.
• The escape scene with our protagonist chased by radioactive mutant leopards through a toxic jungle reveals that there is, in a way, a functioning ecosystem. Consider setting it in a soy-based monoculture.
• The editors loved the idea of prisoners being made to fight to the death for bets, but were let down by the bettors being other inmates, rather than a pay-per-view live-stream.
• In fact, so many of the inmates being incarcerated for sexual assault suggest not only that the majority of the inmates belong in prison, but that these crimes are being punished.
• Simultaneously, the protagonist’s cellmate claiming his jury was rigged would mean he was given due process.
• Even when working in the fields, the prisoners have access to toilets when required.
• In fact, the more we think about it, the prison is too well-organized. Have you considered a warehouse surrounded by alligators?
• The Human Zoo for the Morally and Sexually Degenerate, as portrayed, is technically a safe space for the neurodivergent and LGBTQ+.
• The Milwaukee Brewers are referred to as “two-time champions.”
• The government is presented as not only competent but also extremely secretive and hard to infiltrate by foreign agents.
• There are multiple references to trains running on time, suggesting a disruption to the hegemony of the automobile and prioritization given to public transport.
• A government agent changes their opinion when presented with evidence. Maybe reintroduce the leopards from earlier and have them threaten to eat the agent’s face?
• The women in government are distinguishable both in behavior and appearance.
• The government, while decidedly evil, functions as a meritocracy.
• The Dear Leader, revealing himself to be the father of our protagonist, suggests he is aware of his progeny and/or cares.
• The end monologue by Dear Leader is far too eloquent for a modern dictator.
• The protagonist is able to foil Dear Leader’s master plan, suggesting that there is one.
• The resistance has a coherent, well-organized government ready to step in when required.
• There are repercussions for the demonstrably guilty.

Please note that until these changes are addressed, we are unable to consider your manuscript and suggest you send it to a more fantasy-oriented publisher instead.