Someone go hang with Lyonel Baratheon in Storms End, for goodness sake
Rejected! Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear for Lyonel Baratheon, the real MVP of A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms.
At the end of the HBO series' finale, we see our heroes Dunk (Peter Claffey) and Egg (Dexter Sol Ansell) ditching their Summerhall plans and riding off into the countryside together, probably headed for the warmer climate of Dorne. No, Egg did not get permission from his father, Prince Maekar Targaryen (Sam Spruell), to join hedge knight Ser Duncan on the road as his squire. But yes, this dynamic duo are safe to slay another day.
But there's a broken heart in Ashford Meadow, that of our salt-and-pepper-bearded, fearless dance floor and battleground icon, Lyonel Baratheon (Daniel Ings). Extending Dunk an invite to his home in Storm's End, the Laughing Storm is left on read, after fighting valiantly for him in the trial of seven.
Come with me to Storm's End and I'll love you like a brother. And if not, well, f**k you, I'll hate you like a brother."
Reader, hear me out. Ser Duncan should join Lyonel Baratheon in Storm's End. I have reasons! We don't actually hear about any of these characters again in George R. R. Martin's books, so it's all fantasy from here. So, here's five reasons why the stag-horned party animal's boring seaside home would make a solid choice for Dunk's next chapter. Hell, I'll go.
1. Lyonel Baratheon risked his life to fight for Dunk.
While you really shouldn't guilt someone into being your friend, Lyonel Baratheon does exactly that after the trial of seven. "Come with me to Storm's End and I'll love you like a brother," Lyonel says to Dunk. "And if not, well, f**k you, I'll hate you like a brother."
Granted, he makes a strong point to Dunk, who remains firmly committed to his pity party after the death of Prince Baelor (Bertie Carvel). Yes, this death of the heir to the Iron Throne in the trial is tragic, politically tumultuous, and seemingly prophesied. And yes, it was valiant as hell for him to fight against his own family for justice. But as Lyonel points out, Baelor was fighting against the Kingsguard, who have sworn oaths to not harm him. Meanwhile, two Sers Humfrey were killed — Beesbury and Hardyng — as well as Baelor, fighting for Dunk.
"F**k you! I fought for you. Hardyng, Beesbury, the f**king apple boy, we fought for you," Lyonel says in the finale. "Your prince fought for you against men sworn to protect him. He risked nothing! And the gods don't favour a fraud."
This is Game of Thrones, so Lyonel mentions "a war coming" (always) and suggests he and Dunk could be a force together. Perhaps if Lyonel had gone a little less hard on Baelor, Dunk may have joined him.
2. Lyonel Baratheon finds a good time in Westeros that isn't pure violence.
"You could come with me," Lyonel tells Dunk. "We'll hunt, and hawk and sail, make merry."
Unlike certain sadistic Targaryen princes and backstabbing Fossoway cousins, Lyonel Baratheon seems to be in Ashford Meadow purely for a good time. Getting pissed during a tug of war, tearing up the dance floor in his festival tent, and "seizing the chance the bloody up the Kingsguard" for a dude he just met — this man seizes life by the horns on his head. Boasting an ample candle, roast, and ale budget, he also gives great if not mildly threatening pep talks: "The seven above made you tall, so be tall! Or I will name you a heretic and burn you." Motivational!
Sure, some Baratheons, historically, have that whole excessive partying and hunting streak going that somewhat bankrupts their kingdom. But honestly, it's hard to find a man who throws a dinner party in Westeros that doesn't end in blood. We'll take it.
3. To be fair, Storm's End seems bleak, lonely, and boring as hell.
It's no wonder Lyonel wants a new friend to join him in his court. "Home is... Well, it's brutally dull," he laments in the Knight of the Seven Kingdoms finale, loath to return to the seat of House Baratheon in Storm's End. But it's there, he suggests, they'll indulge in various outdoor activities like sailing and hunting. Plus, "I'll sharpen that iron of yours so you don’t make such a grand fool of yourself next time."
The only time we've actually visited the capital of the Stormlands onscreen in the Game of Thrones franchise is in the House of the Dragon Season 1 finale, when the young Lucerys Velaryon fails to ally with Borros Baratheon and comes face-to-face with Aemond Targaryen (and that didn't turn out well).
Storm's End is basically the Wuthering Heights of Westeros: dark, windswept, and home to bearded men. A hedge knight used to greener, muddier pastures, Dunk might struggle in the mighty stone castle atop the treacherous Shipbreaker Bay, but surely a spark like Lyonel keeps fireside amusements close. Plus, Lyonel mentions visiting Tarth, the island off the coast of the Stormlands (where GoT icon Brienne of Tarth hails from).
Could be worse. Could be the Iron Islands.
4. Ser Dunk can go to Dorne after Storm's End.
In the finale, Dunk suggests Dorne as their destination (good puppets in Dorne, yup), which is the next kingdom over from the Reach, where Ashford Meadow is (their current location). If you check the map, the Stormlands also border Dorne, sitting east of the Reach. It's technically on the way to visit Storm's End, if you take a detour to the coast. ON THE WAY.
Honestly, Dunk, just go and visit your friend who fought for you at his boring house and then head south. Watching Lyonel put the invite out to Storm's End and have Dunk mope all over it is the Westeros version of the Ralph Wiggum heartbreak meme. Put this man's heart back together with one visit and then hit the road. Unless Storm's End is some seaside Hotel California...
5. Egg can come!
Seeing as though Egg (really Aegon, a Targaryen prince), snuck off from his family caravan back to King's Landing and joined Dunk without his father's permission, it doesn't really matter where Egg goes next — as long as it's where Dunk is and the Targaryens never find them. Sure, this child is exposed to way more adult partying than feels appropriate, and yes, Lyonel isn't the most concerned with kids' welfare, and of course the Stormlands could be in trouble if they're found to be harbouring a Targaryen prince, but Egg could learn a thing or two about court life in another great house of Westeros. Together, they could all hunt, hawk, sail, and make merry!
Look, the caravan leaves after the roast. I'll be joining it.