Kurtenbach: The NBA’s race to the bottom is lift the Warriors need

The NBA has thrown the kitchen sink at its tanking problem over the years.

They flattened the lottery odds. They invented a tournament to incentivize regular-season games. They’ve levied fines, tried public shaming, and probably discussed relegation in a dark room in Secaucus, New Jersey. (OK, maybe not that last one, but they should.)

None of it has worked. The NBA’s race to the bottom is as frantic, shameless, despicable, and fundamentally unwatchable as ever.

And right now, the Golden State Warriors should be sending thank-you cards to every general manager and coach currently conspiring against their own roster winning games.

Because the most valuable asset in the NBA right now isn’t those extra lottery ping-pong balls. No, it’s a game on the schedule against a team trying to lose.

The Warriors come out of the All-Star break as, effectively, a new team. Or at least a refurbished one with some high-end, aftermarket parts.

Steph Curry is back, assuming the runner’s knee holds. He missed the last six games — a stretch that felt more like six months.

Kristaps Porzingis is in, assuming his health cooperates. The Unicorn brings size, shooting, and the kind of ceiling that makes you dream big. That is, if he can get on the floor and stay there.

“Health Permitting” is the new motto in Mission Bay. They should probably stitch it onto the City Edition jerseys.

But there is serious potential with this group. If they click on the court, if the chemistry takes in the locker room, and if Rick Celebrini can work his mystic magic, this is a roster no one wants to see in April. They might even play into May.

But the best thing the Warriors have going for them isn’t the roster. It’s the schedule.

Golden State has 27 games left. A full third of them — nine games — are against teams that are actively, desperately trying to lose. And that’s just counting the low-down and dirtiest tanking teams.

We are talking about two games against the Sacramento Kings. Two against the Washington Wizards. Dates with Dallas, Brooklyn, Utah, Memphis, and New Orleans.

These aren’t games. These are charitable donations to the Warriors’ playoff fund.

Tankapalooza 2026 is well underway, and it’s only going to get worse. The league’s dregs are currently engaged in a high-stakes game of “who can be worse,” debasing themselves for the chance at a chance.

Fans of those teams are smart enough to know it’s the right play; for them, it’s baseball season. Maybe they’ll read a book instead of watching basketball.

It’s nevertheless bad for the NBA’s overall product.

But for the Warriors? It’s a lifeline.

While the teams ahead of them in the standings — the Timberwolves, the Lakers, the Suns —all have tougher schedules in these final weeks. Meanwhile, the Warriors get to stroll through a field of marshmallows.

Nine wins, in the bag. Bank them. All you have to do is show up and play professional basketball for 20, maybe 25 minutes. The Dubs can do that, right?

Of course, a diet of strictly marshmallows will make you soft. You need resistance to ensure you aren’t fooling yourself.

The schedule makers, in their infinite foresight, provided that for the Dubs, too.

Starting Thursday against the Boston Celtics, the Warriors have just enough “real” games remaining to keep them honest. They get the Spurs. They get the Thunder. They get the Nuggets and the Pistons.

These are the litmus tests. These are the nights where we find out if Porzingis actually fits, if Curry is truly 100 percent, and if the defense can stop a nosebleed.

But in a Western Conference playoff race that is tighter than a snare drum, wins are the only currency that matters. So the easiest path is the best one.

We don’t know what the Warriors are yet. They are a mystery box wrapped in a question mark. But the path forward couldn’t be clearer.

The NBA’s bottom-feeders are serving up wins on a silver platter. The Warriors just have to be hungry enough to take them.

And the wreckage of the tankers might just be the ladder the Warriors use to climb back into the real postseason.