Jeff Burkhart: When out-of-towners come to town

They had brought in a large-screen TV just for the occasion, or more correctly, the future occasion — the Super Bowl. Losing two tables in the bar seemed like an afterthought. But professional sports are professional sports. It’s no small wonder that electronic stores don’t allow the return of large-screen TVs during Super Bowl weekend. People can be so predictable.

One of the couples at the bar wore out-of-town sports jerseys, not really all that surprising considering who was playing in the Super Bowl. But that was still two days away.

“Where do we put our coats?” asked the out-of-towners.

“Right over there,” said the bartender, indicating the nearly empty coat rack, with one light jacket on it.

“We thought it would be colder,” said the man in the No. 12 jersey, hanging up his heavy hooded coat.

California has been called the Golden West, El Dorado and the Golden State, all relating to the Gold Rush of 1849. But the truth is, that was just the beginning. California is the most populous state in the nation with nearly 40 million people, and it’s powered by the fourth-largest economy in the world. In fact, San Francisco alone — not the entire Bay Area — has a population larger than four states, and it’s the second biggest city in the Bay Area! San Jose is first. But just mention San Jose to an out-of-stater, and confusion will soon set in.

“You guys from out of town?” asked the bartender.

“Yup.”

“Well, welcome,” he said.

“We thought wearing these jerseys might be a problem,” said the woman.

“Why is that?” asked the bartender.

“Well, you know …”

“Many of us are not from around here originally,” said a customer at the bar. “I’m from Darien, Connecticut, myself.”

“Johnstown, Pennsylvania,” said the bartender.

“Cincinnati,” said another customer.

“Upper Peninsula of Michigan,” said another.

“What are you all doing out here?” asked the No. 12 man.

“Look outside,” the customers all said, nearly in unison.

“California is not exactly what we expected,” said the woman, also wearing a No. 12 football jersey.

“How so?” asked the bartender.

“For one thing, the stadium is a lot farther away than we thought,” said Mr. No. 12.

“Yeah, when you see it on TV, they always show the Golden Gate Bridge and the cable cars. We figured it would be right here,” said Mrs. No. 12.

“But it isn’t,” said the bartender.

“No, it isn’t. We got a hotel in Frisco, figuring it would be easy to get to. And that’s how we ended up here today in Marin (he pronounced it “marine”).”

Two Irish coffees were ordered.

“When in Frisco,” said Mr. No. 12.

“We’ll have the artichoke dip,” said Mrs. No. 12.

“It’s actually an artichoke, not a dip,” replied the bartender.

“Uh, OK.”

When it arrived, they picked at it for several minutes before the bartender leaned in.

“You eat it by scraping the leaves with your teeth,” he said.

“We know that,” she said, covering the little pile of chewed-up leaf pulp on her plate.

“Have you guys been sightseeing anywhere?” asked the bartender.

“Muir Woods,” said the man. “But it was closed. I guess California just can’t get its act together.”

“What do you mean?” asked the guy from Connecticut.

“They can’t even keep a park open.”

“Muir Woods is a federal park,” replied Mr. Connecticut.

“Well, whatever. We aren’t going to get to see any redwoods,” said Mrs. No. 12.

“You can always go to Mount Tamalpais State Park,” said the woman from Cincinnati. “It’s open. And there are plenty of redwoods there.”

“Yeah, it’s practically right next door to Muir Woods, and it’s free,” said the woman from Michigan.

First-time visitors to California are often surprised by how beautiful this state of ours is, which has always surprised me. How soon we forget that California is literally the “promised land” in John Steinbeck’s “The Grapes of Wrath.” And where do you think those redwood forests of Woody Guthrie’s “This Land is Your Land” are actually? Spoiler alert, it isn’t Nevada.

That’s not to say that California doesn’t have its problems. But consider this: If the Bay Area alone were its own state, it would be the 14th largest state in the nation, about the same size as either Washington state or Massachusetts by comparison. And the two largest cities in California aren’t even in the Bay Area!

The night went along in that sort of vein for some time. Avocados might be everywhere these days, but avocados in season are something altogether different. California really is a special place. And you can take that from a guy who wasn’t born here but has spent half a century here.

When that East Coast couple wandered out into the relatively warm Northern California winter night, they both forgot their coats.

Leaving me with these thoughts:

• The temperature in both Foxborough, Massachusetts, and Seattle is just about freezing this time of year. Forget your coat, and you’ll know it.

• Fun fact No. 1: around 18% of all Californians were born in another state, and around 28% of California residents were born outside the United States — nearly 11 million people, the highest in the nation. Fun fact No. 2: Nearly 300 million tourists visited California in 2024, according to Visit California.

• Don’t always believe what you read or see on TV. Go see for yourself.

• “One day if I do go to heaven,” once wrote Herb Caen, “I’ll look around and say, ‘It ain’t bad, but it ain’t San Francisco.'” And that might just go double for Marin County.

Jeff Burkhart is the author of “Twenty Years Behind Bars: The Spirited Adventures of a Real Bartender, Vol. I and II,” the host of the Barfly Podcast on iTunes (as seen in the NY Times) and an award-winning bartender at a local restaurant. Follow him at jeffburkhart.net and contact him at jeffbarflyIJ@outlook.com