Ioriattis, all River Grove natives, fill up on laughs during Las Vegas trip

LAS VEGAS — In the South Point’s Grand Ballroom, among a crowd of about 1,200, the riot that is the Ioriatti boys could not be contained Sunday at a Super Bowl LX bash.

Phil Ioriatti played propositions involving Patriots quarterback Drake Maye running in a touchdown (at +270), tallying more than 37½ yards on the ground (+100) and, at +500, rushing for more than 70 yards.

He also played a three-way parlay, requiring more points in the second half than first, no fumbles lost and Seahawks -4, at +600, or risk $100 to win $600. Jim Ioriatti split them with Phil.

Paul Ioriatti glanced at the circus props swirling around our circular table, laughed and said, “I don’t bet that [stuff].” He made one big bet, Seahawks -4½.

Mike Ioriatti, the brothers’ nephew, heeded a co-worker’s tip and bet Patriots tailback TreVeyon Henderson scoring a TD, at +475.

The boys are back

The Ioriatti boys were back in town, and I wouldn’t miss the shenanigans.

For the second consecutive year, they visited Vegas for the NFL’s title game and insisted upon returning to the South Point.

Gouging on the Strip gave the South Point — and its fee-free parking and party admission, plus reasonably priced concessions — their most-favored status.

Phil called the South Point a tribute to 82-year-old owner Michael Gaughan, son of the late Vegas pillar Jackie Gaughan.

“[Michael] has the right idea,” Phil said. “Make it affordable, and people will come.”

(People avoiding the Strip might have contributed to a Super Bowl handle of just $133.8 million, the state’s lowest in 10 years.)

On Monday, the quartet golfed in Utah. On Tuesday and Wednesday, Revere Golf Club in Henderson, near the Green Valley Ranch (GVR) sportsbook and Phil’s vacation condo.

He’s the Ioriatti who, long ago, bolted west, to Chino Hills in Southern California.

Phil (76), Paul (70) and Jim (68) all grew up in River Grove and attended Holy Cross High School, with their late brother John. Paul lives in St. Charles, Jim in Wayne.

Forty-four-year-old Mike, John’s son, grew up in Villa Park and went to Willowbrook High School. When John died two years ago, Mike slipped into his pop’s spot for these adventures.

On Monday and Tuesday, Jim/Mike defeated Paul/Phil. Mike and I mocked odds being announced over GVR speakers, saying “-140 for the sweep.” Phil, playing harness races, said, “No sweep!”

On Wednesday, Mike birdied the first two holes.

“From there, total domination,” Mike said.

“The sweep happened,” Phil said. “Pretty much done after two holes.”

Nightmares

Jim, the tallest of the crew, also stands out as the lone Packers supporter among an extended family of maybe 200. Of that number, Phil and Mike agreed, 199 are Bears fans.

From his first memory, Jim went against his older brothers just to go against them.

“He also liked Bart Starr,” Phil said. “That’s how he became a Packers fan.”

On Sunday, Jim continued a four-week-old diatribe about the Bears getting “so lucky” against the Packers; not just once but twice, within a four-week span, at Soldier Field.

According to Phil, Jim became convinced that NFL games are fixed.

Paul laughed as he said, “I felt so bad for him. I said, ‘Take it easy, it’s just a game.’ He rang me at 2 a.m., saying, ‘Can you believe …’ He was SO down, you couldn’t kick him anymore. So depressed.”

From a young age, Jim battled his older brothers.

“Even for my food,” Jim said, “I had to fight.”

Herding these guys, just for a photo, proved challenging.

“The only time we were together growing up, it seems,” Phil joked, “was when Mom [Aida] yelled, ‘Come eat it!’ for meals.”

Mr. Bojangles II

At halftime, I noticed a diminutive guy in a dark Caleb Williams No. 18 Bears jersey, everything real-deal stitched. I applauded his sartorial taste. He left drinks at his table and joined ours, in a far corner.

Lambus Dean, 77, hails from the South Side. He has been residing in Vegas for 27 years, making a living as a Sammy Davis Jr. impersonator, and he’d just returned from a gig in Palm Springs.

“I expected a lot from Caleb, and he delivered,” Lambus said. “I got them at +170 to make the playoffs, which was great. Then I thought we’d win it all. We should have been in this Super Bowl!”

It gets better. The Ioriatti Bros. are first cousins to Bill Serritella, who plays Frank Sinatra in the “Ocean’s Rat Pack” show, featuring Tony Ocean as Dean Martin. Serritella sang at Mike Ioriatti’s wedding.

At that moment, Paul texted Ocean, who raved that Lambus Dean might be the finest Sammy Davis imitator.

“Baby, it’s been too long,” Lambus said. “The Bears won it all in 1985, and we will win Super Bowl LXI. You got that right!”

No 100-1 payoff

When the Super Bowl’s first quarter ended with the Seahawks ahead 6-0, Mike rang wife Nicole, in Villa Park, to learn they’d won a $20 pull-tab game.

“Two hundred dollars!” Mike howled. With numbers 0 to 9, the last digit of the sum of both scores decides each quarter’s winner.

My best bet was more than 7½ punts, courtesy of Long Island handicapper Tom Barton, which hit before halftime.

(For futures value, Barton favors the Giants, whose Westgate SuperBook title odds are 60-1; the Bears and Jaguars, 25-1 each.)

Late in the game, Maye took off on a dash that would cash Phil’s props, until a flag got tossed. Holding, New England. It negated the play, and Maye didn’t run again.

Phil kept repeating the game’s poor quality. The Patriots’ lost fumble burned that same-game parlay. When it became 29-13 and stayed that way, Phil won $1,500 in a $100 squares contest for nailing a scoring change and the final score.

When Seahawks kicker Jason Myers booted his Super Bowl-record fifth field goal, we all trumpeted him for MVP. His 100-1 odds wowed everyone.

Instead, Seahawks tailback Kenneth Walker III, with 161 total yards but no touchdowns, got it. My great Vegas pal, a kidney doctor we’ll call Dr. Tout, had such a Myers ticket.

He also had 300-1 on Pats kicker Andy Borregales. Dr. Tout had envisaged a tough, tight defensive battle in which one of the kickers might soar. I texted him, “Robbery.”

That night, Fox Sports Radio’s national overnight king, Ben Maller, agreed.

“The voters blew it,” Maller barked. “You’re MVP and an offensive player, and you didn’t score? That game was so bad, a kicker deserved to be MVP.”

Bears are back

One year ago, I strolled out of the South Point at the tail end of a single-file line of Ioriattis; the three brothers, then nephew Mike.

The three Bears fans wore Chicago caps, jerseys and T-shirts. Someone yelled, “The Bears suck!”

Mike responded, “We know!”

On Sunday, the three Ioriattis wearing Bears gear heard no malice.

“They see us and yell, ‘Go Bears!’ It’s a legacy team that’s back in action, and the NFL likes that!” Phil said. “This time, they saved those chants for Packers fans.”