We Didn't Expect the Olympic Village Condom Shortage to...Come This Early
We come to you with this breaking news: the condoms have officially run out in the Olympic Village. I repeat, the condoms have run out!!!
We knew this day would inevitably come. We just didn’t think it would come this early. (Pun intended.)
An anonymous source told the Italian newspaper La Stampa that the condom supply at the Milan-Cortina Olympic Village (around 10,000 condoms) has run out in just three days. Three Days. You guys, when we said we wanted world peace, this is not what we meant.
“They promised us more will arrive, but who knows when,” said the source, who, I might add, sounds stressed. Where are the condoms??!?
According to La Stampa, “In Paris, the athletes received 300,000 condoms—two per day each—but the numbers for these Winter Games were significantly lower: not even 10,000.” NOT EVEN 10,000?!? Call me prude, but two each per day is a crazy precedent to set. Aren’t these people busy flying off cliffs on skis and stuff? Though about 10,500 athletes competed in Paris, there are just 3,000 athletes currently at the Winter Games.
The tradition of the Olympic condoms began at the 1988 Seoul Olympics to raise awareness for STI prevention and has since continued. However, running out in just three days marks a new record. Good job, guys!
Maybe Olympians are doing the mixed doubles way more than we thought. Or perhaps Heated Rivalry has everyone acting wild? Joking aside, stop the skating! Close down the mountains! This is an international emergency of…unprotected downhill action.
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