Why You Should Handwrite Someone You Love a Card

Dashing off an email or text takes seconds. Handwriting a card takes a little courage—and five minutes with a pen. Putting in the extra time and effort matters more than you might think.

“We all have a need to matter—to be considered and to be seen,” says Alison McKleroy, an art therapist in San Francisco. “When you get a homemade card, it’s sending a message: ‘I spent time doing this thing with you in mind.’ It lands differently.”

[time-brightcove not-tgx=”true”]

Here’s what to know about the benefits of sending and receiving handwritten cards—and how to make one yourself.

What makes handwritten cards so special

The research is clear: People underestimate the emotional boost they get from writing and receiving positive letters or cards.

Writing a card can make you feel more relaxed and quietly pleased. “Even five minutes of making something can put you in a flow state, and afterward you feel calmer and more settled,” McKleroy says. “Making a card is very tactile—cutting, gluing, touching—and that kind of tactile input actually calms your nervous system.”

Plus, you might find it’s fun. There’s joy in choosing a color, tearing paper, or getting one small detail just right, McKleroy says. It gives your brain a break from overthinking and pulls you into the present moment. “This is a very low-stakes way to reconnect with fun and play—parts of ourselves that can feel a little exiled,” she adds. “I think we underestimate how much we benefit from these micro-moments of joy.”

Read More: 14 Things to Say Besides ‘I Love You’

Meanwhile, if you’re the recipient, you’ll likely feel extra loved knowing that someone took the time to express their feelings in such a thoughtful way. It’s also a physical reminder of the connection you share—you can save the card and look at it any time you need a boost. That’s especially true if your loved one struggles to articulate their feelings.

“It’s a way to express affection and warmth and care without having to actually say it,” McKleroy says. “Sometimes it just starts with a willingness to do something differently.”

How to get started

You don’t need any special art skills to make a card. “It’s not about being Picasso. It’s really about the message: ‘You matter to me. I care about you. I was thinking about you when I made this,’” McKleroy says. “When my 7-year-old makes a rainbow for me, I’m not thinking, ‘This could use some work.’ I’m thinking, ‘That was generous. She was thinking about me.’”

People often tell Melissa Tract that they’re self-conscious about their handwriting: They think it’s too messy or hard to read. But there are ways to have fun with it. You could try calligraphy, write in cursive, or play around with the size of your words, maybe writing in all caps or only lowercase. “You can make it funky,” says Tract, a psychotherapist who integrates professional training in the arts into her clinical work.

You can also add small personal touches, like choosing the recipient’s favorite pen color, drawing tiny hearts or smiley faces, using glue pens to attach glitter, or wrapping the card in ribbon or lace, Tract suggests.

What to write

Don’t focus on finding the perfect words. There’s no such thing, Tract says. If you’re staring at a blank page, she suggests starting with one of these prompts: “One thing I love about you is…” or “A moment with you I keep thinking about is….” 

“Think about the last time you saw this person,” she says. “What did you do? What were you laughing about? What did you love that they said to you?” The answers to those questions might spark inspiration and guide your words.

Keep in mind that a handwritten card can do something a store-bought one can’t: it’ll sound unmistakably like you. It leaves room for inside jokes, shared memories, and the small details that only make sense to two people. “What’s great about handwritten cards is they afford you the opportunity to tailor your message to reflect you, your partner, and your relationship,” says Laura Kurtz, a social psychologist and program manager of the Love Consortium, a group of researchers who study social connections. “The power is in the personalization.”

Read More: Love Languages Actually Do Improve Your Relationship

Kurtz suggests considering what qualities you most admire about that person, and working them into your message. “What do you love about them?” she asks. “Try not to focus on what they do or how they make you feel, but rather emphasize what it is about them—who they are as a person—that you find most remarkable.”

If that feels like a lot to put into words, that’s OK. The message itself can stay simple.

“Your card doesn’t have to be a grand overture of love,” Kurtz says. “A simple, thoughtful note that speaks to the positive qualities of your partner and relationship can be just as powerful.”