Ogles, who is apparently the living embodiment of Smithers when he’s cornered by strippers, has since requested the Energy and Commerce Committee step in to dole out consequences to the NFL and NBC accordingly. “American culture will not be mocked or corrupted without consequence,” Ogles said. In his X post, he attached a letter to chairman Brett Guthrie, citing “widespread twerking, grinding, pelvic thrusts” in his complaint. I’d also like to point out that, on mobile, his X post reads as “…and Bad Bunny shamelessly grabbing his [show more],” and I find that to be very funny.
Missouri representative Mark Alford appeared on the right-wing streaming channel Real America’s Voice yesterday to confirm that “we’re still investigating” the content in Bad Bunny’s lyrics, which he’s labeled as “disturbing” (fascinating that Bad Bunny’s Spanish lyrics about cocaine are incomprehensible to English speakers at-large but also, somehow, comprehensible to schoolchildren). The “we” in question could be any conservative colleague—pundit, lawmaker, elected official, or otherwise—and Alford is claiming that he and this unspecified cohort will be speaking with the FCC’s Brendan Carr: “This could be much worse than the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction.” These are real comments from elected officials who have openly admitted that they don’t speak Spanish, by the way.
The halftime show has been fodder for the right’s culture war since it was announced, incited by Trump’s cabinet’s promise to send ICE agents to the Super Bowl. And who could forget Turning Point USA’s counter-program, the “All-American Halftime Show,” in which Kid Rock (whose song “Cool, Daddy Cool” features the lyrics “Young ladies, young ladies, I like ‘em underage / See, some say that’s statutory / But I say it’s mandatory”) did an egregiously embarrassing job singing “Bawitdaba”—a banner anthem for the “faith, family, and freedom” party—and has since pushed back against the lip-syncing accusations, claiming that the “performance was pre-recorded but performed live.” Maybe Kid Rock was lip-syncing. Maybe he wasn’t. I don’t know. But what I do know is an X user called him “Hillbilly Vanilli” and I quite enjoyed that.
But this “culture war” is just a buzzy phrase that the right wants to instigate. It’s theater for people who forget that Puerto Rico is a United States territory, not an independent country, and an excuse for anonymous commenters to call Bunny a “faggot” and a “pedophile” (ironic; see: Kid Rock) in our comment sections. 130 million people tuned into Bad Bunny’s performance, and I’d reckon a good majority of them liked what they saw (though I do wonder if the 130,000 people who signed a petition to have Bad Bunny replaced by George Strait tuned in). As the man himself said beforehand, “People only have to worry about dancing… There is no better dance than the one that comes from the heart.” Republicans have taken Bunny’s instructions to heart, but most non-Spanish-speaking people I know had a great time shaking and vibrating to his catalogue.
These Republican lawmakers could be (strike that: should be) investigating the many, many names implicated in the Epstein files, including the guy tasked with running our country, but they’ve chosen to throw their energy behind crashing out over the coolest halftime show since Prince. Remember when the Rolling Stones played the Super Bowl and kicked off their set with “Start Me Up,” one of the most beat-you-over-the-head-obvious sex anthems of the 1980s? Suddenly it’s a song that’s impossible to deduce the meaning of. The sexual content of a Super Bowl halftime show performance only matters now because a Puerto Rican brought it to the field. The outrage is a crock of shit, just like most conservative talking points are. So, if you could just point me to wherever the “widespread twerking” is happening, I’d like to go there and take up a residency pronto, thanks.