Kurtenbach: SF Giants baseball is back and I have one simple request

That beautiful smell is in the air; that intoxicating cocktail of cut grass, sunscreen, and overpriced domestic brews.

It’s the distinct aroma of renewed, unlikely-to-be-fulfilled hope.

Folks, it’s time for San Francisco Giants baseball once again.

Yes, pitchers and catchers have reported to Scottsdale. The sun is shining, the mountains are shrouded in a purple haze, and, at least for the time being, the local nine are both active and undefeated.

Let’s all take a breath. Really drink it in.

Because if the spreadsheets that rule this wonderful game in our age of information are to be believed, this is as good as it gets.

As we stand on the precipice of the 2026 season, the question hanging over Scottsdale Stadium isn’t whether the Giants will win the World Series. It isn’t even if they’ll win the division. The question, whispered in the silence between the pop of a mitt and the crack of a bat, is far more banal:

Are we just doing this again?

Seriously, are we strapping ourselves in for another joylessride to the exact middle of the road? Are we staring down the barrel of another season of .500 baseball — a campaign that promises fleeting moments of possibility but ultimately delivers an astounding, almost impressive, amount of nada?

The faces have changed, sure. There are new lockers assigned, a few non-roster invitees trying to play their way into a pension plan, and some genuinely impressive talent on the depth chart.

But when you log onto FanGraphs and let the cold, unfeeling algorithms wash over you, the message is consistent. It is a chorus of robotic voices singing in perfect harmony: “Mid.”

It’s actually startling how unanimous the shrug is. Every single projection system looks at this roster and sees a team destined to finish with the baseball equivalent of a “C” grade.

Only one formula — FanGraphs’ main projection — is bullish enough to predict a winning record. It has the Giants pegged for 82.4 wins.

(How a team earns 40 percent of a win is beyond my math skills, but if there’s any team that can do it…)

The other systems are even ruder. The BAT X, ATC, and the incredibly named OOpsy (which I assume is just a random number generator attached to a sadness machine) all project the Giants as an 81-win team or worse.

I imagine you, the discerning fan, look at this roster and feel a kinship with our robot overlords. You see the holes. You see the “what-ifs.” You see a team that feels engineered in a lab to go 81-81. Pure, uncut “okay.”

But here is the good news, or perhaps the terrifying news — I haven’t decided yet: they actually have to play 162 games starting March 27. (Plus a bunch of funny-business games in Arizona between now and then.)

That is the funny, stupid, beautiful thing about baseball. Even with the Giants — a franchise that has turned “middling expectations” into an art form lately — the game keeps you guessing.

There are three paths diverging in the desert this spring:

Path 1: The “Vols of the West” Scenario. Powered by the spirit of friendship, infused with high-octane, preworkout-fueled college baseball dirtbaggery, and led by the sheer force of vibes, the Giants click. They exceed expectations not because the math says they should, but because they’re simply too brash to know they’re supposed to be average.

Path 2: The Hindenburg Scenario. The whole Tony Vitello experiment — see: all the reasons listed above — crashes and burns in spectacular fashion, and the season is over by June. Questions are asked. Big ones.

Path 3: The Giants are, in fact, a middling, bog-standard team record-wise. They win 81 games. But they are the most entertaining, endearing version of average you have ever seen.

Honestly? I’m leaning towards Path Three.

I will take a chaotic, lovable, .500 team over a boring, corporate squad that grinds its way to a wild-card berth and a swift playoff exit any day of the week.

Because the beauty of baseball isn’t just the ring chase; it’s the scale. It’s the daily companionship. It’s the comfort of knowing that no matter how bad today was, you can always get ’em tomorrow.

We know the Giants aren’t big on expectations these days. This past offseason started hot and then slowly cooled into a generally unexciting paste. But here is my humble request for 2026:

Give us something to look forward to.

It doesn’t have to be a parade.

Maybe it’s just a brighter future behind the young kids cutting their teeth in the Show for the first time.

Maybe it’s a squad that always takes the extra base — computer models and back-room quants be damned.

Maybe it’s MVP-caliber seasons from the guys paid to have MVP-caliber seasons.

Just give us a team that plays like they actually enjoy the sunlight, and we’ll enjoy it, too.

Give us a reason to turn on the radio tomorrow. I’m not even asking for TV.

Hopefully, that bar isn’t too high. And while we shouldn’t accept less in this region — it is death to settle for things in life — the Giants have finally won their long-standing quest to lower expectations. I’m worn down from wanting more.

So here I am, just asking the Giants to be watchable. Not particularly good, just enjoyable.

Of course, with this team, in this era, “watchable” and “enjoyable” might be the boldest projection of all.