Kurtenbach: The Warriors aimed for a star at the trade deadline. They hit the ceiling

The Golden State Warriors survived the NBA trade deadline in the exact same manner I earned my college degree.

We both received a technically passing grade for doing something much later than we should have.

In a world where every transaction is immediately stamped with an A-plus or an F-minus, the Warriors and I understood that D’s get degrees.

And much like me in my youth, the Warriors’ lackluster report card stems entirely from a lack of focus.

My distraction was keg parties and sorority girls. For Mike Dunleavy Jr. and Joe Lacob, it was a different kind of Greek lettering that did them in: They fell for the faint, intoxicating aroma of a Giannis Antetokounmpo trade.

They spent so much time thinking about the former MVP that they nearly missed the term paper submission deadline.

And it read back like it was rushed.

Here is where I will give some credit: I do read back my columns and, indeed, the Warriors needed to do something before the bell rang Thursday. They did.

They traded one headache (Jonathan Kuminga) to the Hawks for another (Kristaps Porzingis), all for the sake of addition by subtraction. Or, perhaps, this was all just an elaborate ruse to clear a roster spot for third-string point guard Pat Spencer. In this economy, who’s to say?

But context is everything: At a deadline where legitimate giants like Ivica Zubac, Jaren Jackson Jr., Anthony Davis, and Nikola Vucevic were flying off the shelves—at reasonable costs, mind you — the best the Warriors could muster was a guy on an expiring deal who has played in less than 50 percent of his team’s games the past two years.

Porzingis is currently battling POTS, a syndrome often tied to Long COVID. It causes a rapid heart rate and dizziness when standing up.

Less than ideal for a basketball player.

Despite a “new game plan” to manage the energy crashes, he’s still dealing with it. As a result, the two most important people in Bay Area sports this spring aren’t Steph and Draymond. They are Sharks center Macklin Celebrini (for on-ice marvels) and his dad, Rick Celebrini, the Warriors’ chief doctor (for the medical miracles).

At least the Celebrinis are exceptionally competent.

Can we say the same for the Warriors’ basketball personnel department?

While the rest of the league wants the best with Porzingis — POTS sounds awful — the Warriors have staked their season on the far-flung hope that they can cure (or at least seriously mitigate) an ailment with no known cure.

To be fair, had they kept Kuminga, they would have been staking their season on the concept that he would learn how to play winning basketball.

One could argue that a mysterious autoimmune illness is easier to solve.

A quick aside on the Giannis chase: The Warriors are currently posturing that they can get back in the ring for him this summer. They’re the guy at the bar at 2 a.m. telling his buddies he’s totally going to get the bartender’s number.

As I was told often in college: She’s not that into you, dude. Stop shooting your shot. You’re embarrassing yourself

The Warriors’ zeal to make the Big League-Ruining Deal and their organizational insistence on “winning” every trade has prevented them from making the boring, steady, incremental moves that actual championship teams make. It has left the roster completely threadbare outside of Steph Curry and a rotating cast of one-way and on-and-off performers.

Their last high-impact draft pick — and I am stretching that definition despite being his biggest media advocate — was Kevon Looney.

He was drafted during the Obama administration.

Their best pick since then is Brandin Podziemski.

That’s dire stuff. When you don’t make small improvements with that kind of draft record, you end up in a ditch, praying for a moonshot trade to pull you out.

A trade, by the way, that they still haven’t made.

To be fully fair: Porzingis fits. He defends the rim, shoots 3s, and moves off the ball. He is the exact center the Warriors have needed for a decade, especially with how Draymond Green is currently playing.

But you can’t ignore the possibility that swapping Kuminga (and Buddy Hield) for Porzingis is just the Chris Paul-for-Jordan Poole trade: The Sequel.

Remember that one? The Warriors brought in Paul, let him walk, and eliminated a massive salary block. They got next to nothing for Poole except a season of cognitive dissonance (“Wait, we like this guy now?”).

They had to move someone after the Poole-Green punch. Just like they had to move Kuminga given, well, everything over the last three years.

But did they simply salary dump a former lottery pick?

That story will be written in the next few months.

In the meantime, the Dubs did something. They turned in the paper. They passed the class.

Just don’t ask to see the GPA.