This ludicrous scheme exposed Trump's insanity — and we'll foot the bill

Trump has sued the Internal Revenue Service for $10 billion.

In the suit, filed in Miami federal court on Thursday, Trump alleges that the IRS was responsible for the leak of some of Trump’s tax documents to press in September 2020. The leak occurred by an IRS contractor.

The leaked tax documents revealed that Trump paid only $750 in federal income taxes in 2016, the year he first won the presidency, and paid no taxes at all in 10 of the previous 15 years.

The lawsuit claims that the leak caused Trump and his family “reputational and financial harm, public embarrassment, unfairly tarnished their business reputations, portrayed them in a false light, and negatively affected President Trump.”

Oh please.

Trump has been unique among presidential candidates and presidents in refusing to release his tax documents to the public.

He’s also been unique among presidents in filing lawsuits against the government — his government, which is supposed to be our government.

He’s also been unique among presidents in turning the Justice Department into his own private law firm — at least unique since 1975, when Gerald Ford rescued the department from the clutches of Richard Nixon.

So how, exactly, is this $10 billion lawsuit against the IRS going to work? Who will represent the government — that is, you and I and every other taxpayer that would, in effect, have to shell out $10 billion if he wins?

How can the Justice Department represent us when Trump has directed the department to do whatever he wants it to do? If there are settlement negotiations with him, who’s going to negotiate the settlement with him? Who’s going to sign the final agreement with him?

This takes the “art of the deal” into a surreal new dimension. Trump will be making a deal with himself.

[Scene: The Oval Office. President Trump is sitting behind the Resolute Desk. In front of him is Donald Trump, as himself.]

Trump as president: “So, Mr. Trump, as to this lawsuit, what do you REALLY want?”

Trump as himself: “I told you: $10 billion.”

Trump as president: “Will all due respect, Mr. Trump, that’s ludicrous.”

Trump as himself: “It’s NOT ludicrous! Your IRS illegally released my tax returns!”

Trump as president: “It’s not my IRS.”

Trump as himself: “Then whose IRS is it?”

Trump as president: “Yours! You’re a citizen of the United States! The IRS works for you!

Trump as himself: “Bulls--! You’re president! The IRS works for YOU!”

Trump as president [trying to reason with Trump as himself]: “Look, there’s no way I can justify to the American people paying you $10 billion.”

Trump as himself: “You have no choice.”

Trump as president: “Of course I have a choice. I can say ‘No.” In fact, I will say ‘No.’ [He clears his throat] … NO!”

Trump as himself: “NOBODY says ‘NO’ to me. I’m Donald Trump!”

Trump as president: “Well, I’m the f---ing president of the United States!”

Trump as himself: “Okay, Mr. F---ing President Trump. I’ll take this all the way to the Supreme Court!”

Trump as president [laughing]: “Try it! They’ll decide the case for ME! I own six of them!”

Trump as himself: “NO, they’ll decide the case for ME! I appointed three of them and the rest OWE me!”

Trump as president: “You’re out of your mind!”

Trump as himself: “You’re a moron!”

Trump as president [rising out of his chair and pointing to the door]: “Get the hell out of my office!”

Trump as himself: “NO! YOU get the hell out of MY office!”

[They lunge at each other. It becomes the scene from the movie “Fight Club” where Edward Norton beats himself up until he finally realizes that his nemesis is a figment of his own imagination, whereupon he stops fighting and shoots himself.]

[The End]

• Robert Reich is an emeritus professor of public policy at Berkeley and former secretary of labor. His writings can be found at https://robertreich.substack.com/. His new memoir, Coming Up Short, can be found wherever you buy books. You can also support local bookstores nationally by ordering the book at bookshop.org