For Parents, Grand-Parents of Children/Young People: Returning to School and always attending.

People tend to think being anxious about going to school (even “school aversion”) is a new phenomenon. It isn’t but is does appear to be heightened at present.

I am a life long social-phobe and found going to school very difficult on many occasions – particularly when 10, 12 and my first year of high-school. I had all manner of schemes to avoid school (including the old pot of yogurt and fingers down the throat trick just before the school bus arrived). At time it was extreme. I hated the end of weekends and, very much, the end of school holiday periods. As an adult I became a teacher/Principal and the pattern continued. It was common on a Sunday night to say to my wife; “I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.” Her reply was; “You have to – you are the Principal.”

My parents were not well educated, or wealthy at all, but they were solid folk who felt that I should go to school every day and made it their business to try and get me there.

What works:

– Parents and Grand-Parents being highly supportive of learning and getting themselves involved in the school.
– Parents getting to know teachers as soon as possible to build a mutual accountability re the child’s attendance and learning.
– Challenging genuine problems quickly (e.g. bullying, classroom issues, poor teaching) and without panic.
– Reading to your child every night and using that as a base for also saying … “How did your day go?” That is generally a better time than asking straight after school when the child is probably hot, tired, hungry/thirsty and ready to vent. When you do ask I always have a rule: Before hearing one complaint the child must come up with three things that were good within the day.
– Talk about the purpose of education/school and learning opportunities positively. I despair at the amount of times I thought I had a learning break-though with a child – only to have them return the next day and say something like; “My dad says triganometry sucks and you never use it in the real world.”
– Don’t blandly say; “You have to go – it is the law.” To a child that is simpy not a reason and often just freaks them out.
– Make sure that they have a GREAT morning tea and lunch. It sounds trivial but two moments to look forward to each day is a good starting point.
– Be sure they are involved, as soon as possible, in clubs, sports and activities at school. They are not the deep reason for going to school but anything that gets them there is a good start. I often went because if I didn’t attend school/practice I wasn’t allowed to play 1st XV rugby or 1st XI cricket.
– Don’t stop doing the activities that make the holidays fun for children. One of the reasons I hated “Back to School” times was because things like going fishing, outdoors, friends over, etc … also ceased. Keep giving the child things to look forward to in the afternoons, evenings and weekends.

Schools in NZ are far from perfect, but, on the whole (with some very good home-schooling exceptions) a child is better off going – and pretty much always.

alwyn.poole@gmail.com

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