DOJ Releases Jeffrey Epstein Fragrance

WASHINGTON—In the latest government disclosure about the late financier and convicted pedophile, officials from the Department of Justice announced Tuesday that they were releasing a Jeffrey Epstein fragrance. “The aroma of infatuation, the perfume of the forbidden…DOJ is proud to unveil its new signature Jeffrey Epstein fragrance, Crave by Jeff,” Attorney General Pam Bondi said at a press conference, holding up a small glass bottle while flanked by blown-up monochrome photographs of Epstein looking up from a massage table. “After reviewing all the evidence in the Epstein case, we’ve managed to distill the child sex trafficker’s very essence down to a single, captivating scent that is as irresistible to British socialites as it is to Harvard professors. Crave features notes of leather from Epstein’s New Mexico ranch as well as real ambergris from the shores of Little Saint James. A limited edition gift set with a Crave lotion and scented massage oil will be available at Macy’s and Forever 21, and all proceeds generated from sales of the fragrance will be given to Epstein’s co-conspirators.” At press time, the DOJ reportedly pulled the Jeffrey Epstein fragrance from shelves after realizing its scent structure contained unmistakable top notes of President Donald Trump.

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