White House Denies Flickering, Green Trump A Hologram

WASHINGTON—As concerns continue to mount regarding a potential decline in the president’s physical and mental health, the White House issued a statement Friday denying that a flickering, green Donald Trump was a hologram.

Administration officials dismissed claims that the president had been wavering in and out of focus during recent public appearances and asserted that the subtle green glow emanating from his seemingly translucent body was a sign of his vigorous corporeality. They also stated that witness accounts of Trump passing directly through solid objects like the Resolute desk and the press briefing room podium had been intentionally fabricated by bad actors on the far left.

“The idea that President Trump, the most tangible president in our nation’s history, is a digital facsimile is absolutely ludicrous,” said White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt, insisting that the president was working at 100% opacity every single day on behalf of the American people. “Yet another hoax perpetuated by opportunistic Democrats trying to paint the president as some kind of glitching, insubstantial 3D projection.”

She added, “To be clear, this administration will not tolerate the press gaslighting the public into believing that President Trump is anything other than meat and bone.”

Rumors began circulating that the president was actually a hologram after a Cabinet meeting in which his poorly rendered form is said to have appeared jittery and pixelated. But speculation reached a fever pitch during Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman’s recent White House visit, when talks reportedly grew strained after Trump blinked three times and then disappeared completely amid discussions of a $142 billion arms deal with Saudi Arabia. The administration immediately denied the use of holographic imagery, instead blaming the mishap on a malfunctioning fluorescent tube in one of the Oval Office’s overhead light fixtures.

That explanation fails to account, however, for an incident that took place this week when Trump spoke at a closed-door meeting of donors. According to attendees, the president’s enlarged, disembodied head floated above a lectern, frequently altering in appearance as it inverted into a photo negative, pulsated in bright colors, momentarily donned the spiky cartoon hair of an anime pop idol, and then spent several minutes as a boxy, eight-bit image.

“I feel very confident the president of the United States is a real person,” said Vice President JD Vance, brushing off questions about whether he had ever physically shaken hands with the commander-in-chief. “In all of our interactions, President Trump has always been oriented correctly on his y-axis, with his feet toward the ground and head toward the sky. What’s more, he remains convincingly three-
dimensional even as you move around the room and view him from different angles.”

Amid ongoing public doubt, the White House physician released a memo stating that Trump maintains the highest visual fidelity of any modern head of state, as well as a “healthy, luminescent sheen” exceptional for a man his age. The statement also praised a “truly impressive” drop in the president’s BMI, or body mass index, noting that he can no longer be considered overweight.

In a nationwide poll conducted by Gallup, a majority of respondents said the president failing to exist in material reality would be a serious concern, with 64% disapproving of the way multiple Trumps often show up in locations across the globe delivering identical speeches. A full 90% said they were deeply disturbed by a rally appearance at which Trump opened his mouth and the sound of Luciano Pavarotti’s “Ave Maria” poured out, followed by nine uninterrupted minutes of Guns N’ Roses’ “November Rain.”

Addressing the matter in a video message posted to Truth Social, the president criticized the media for failing to raise such questions about former President Joe Biden, whose mouth movements seldom aligned with his voice during his time in office.

“People of America, your President Donald Trump is here…here…here…here in the flesh, okay?” Trump says in the video, in which he appears to power down and disappear into a device projecting a light beam. “I am working hard for the radical left to lie to you. Victorious. I will be Donald John for now and goodbye. Entering sleep mode.” 

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