Navigating separation anxiety: Strategies to help children cope
When Mama V returned to work six months after giving birth, both she and her baby experienced intense distress. Baby R cried frequently whenever she was left with her nanny, even one she had met before, and Mama V felt profound anxiety watching her baby upset. Every separation was emotionally taxing for both of them, highlighting just how challenging the transition back to work can be.
Understanding that separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage can help parents approach the situation with patience and confidence. Starting around six months, babies begin to understand that their caregiver is a distinct person. Their strong reactions to being apart are actually a sign of secure attachment — they know who their primary safe person is. Mama V responded with thoughtful, attuned care. She slowed down the process, staying side by side with Baby R and the nanny, letting Baby R become familiar at her own pace. She asked the nanny to return Baby R to her if distress lasted beyond a few minutes, providing consistent reassurance and nurturing.
Some strategies that help include:
• Start slowly with familiar caregivers. Spend significant time together, showing your baby that you trust the caregiver. Babies pick up on energy —smiles, laughter and gentle interaction create safety.
• Side-by-side caregiving. The caregiver participates in routines while the parent remains present, gradually building trust.
• Micro-separations. Short, calm absences with gentle returns help babies learn that separations are temporary.
• Goodbye rituals. Simple, predictable cues like “Mama will be right back” help babies feel secure.
• Comfort cues with familiar scents. Items with the parent’s scent, like a worn shirt or a favorite toy, can reassure babies after separation.
• Co-regulation by caregivers. Gentle touch, soft humming, “shhh” sounds, eye contact and even skin-to-skin contact help babies feel safe when the parent is away.
These principles apply whether the caregiver is a nanny or in daycare. For daycare, parents can attend the space with their baby for several sessions, showing that the environment and caregivers are safe. To give you an example, some countries, like Germany, follow the Berlin model, which provides a structured, gradual transition period of about two to four weeks to help babies acclimate to new caregivers or daycare settings. This approach allows children to build trust and feel secure before parents leave for longer stretches — a model worth considering for early separations.
Mama V was already part of the Nurture Neuroscience Circle I facilitate for pregnant and newborn mamas in Fairfax. With Baby R needing constant contact, she had struggled to fit in self-care, but the Nurture Neuroscience Circle supported her with guidance, encouragement and practical tips —from stretching and yoga to meditation and playful moments. It was a space where she could share honestly, receive expert advice and feel held by a community of mothers who deeply understood this transition.
Eventually, Mama V requested extended maternity leave, giving herself additional time to be fully present with Baby R before attempting longer separations again. This choice, guided by attunement and self-care, helped both mother and baby feel safe, supported and empowered — even as she continues to advocate with HR for compensation during that extended leave.
Mama V’s story demonstrates that returning to work during the early months is an emotional and developmental transition. By staying responsive, pacing the process and leaning on supportive networks, parents can help their babies navigate separation anxiety while also honoring their own needs.
More information about the Nurture Neuroscience Circle at nurturewithlinda.com.