11 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Define The Relationship

It’s the natural next step when you’re in the “dating” stage. You’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks or months and now at least one of you is wondering what this is. Are you in a relationship? Are you on the same page? Before you officially define the relationship, ask yourself these questions to see how you really feel.

Am I actually ready to define the relationship, or am I still figuring out how I feel?

The DTR conversation is a big step. It should only happen if you’re feeling concrete in your feelings for this person. Do you need to know everything? Do you need to feel like you’ve found the one? Not at all. But if you’re still trying to figure out if you even like them, you might want to put the conversation on hold.

Am I comfortable making this official?

Defining the relationship, taking things to the next level, doesn’t happen in a vacuum. If you’re committing to being something serious, that includes letting the people in your bubble–and outside of it–know exactly who you are to each other.

Am I ignoring any red flags or deal breakers?

Don’t jump the gun. While everything might look rosy, you could be blinded by new love. Don’t ignore bad behaviors or incompatibilities just because you don’t want to be alone.

Is this what I want, or what society says I should have?

Examine where your desire to DTR is coming from. Society? Your prospective partner? Internal biases? At the end of the day, you should make things serious only if you naturally want this from the person you’re dating, and not because you’re “supposed to.”

Do I like this person, or just the idea of them?

Are you entering into a relationship with this person for who they actually are, or what they sound like on paper? They may check all the boxes, but you need that magical chemistry in order for this to be a good match.

Do I like them, or do I just want a relationship?

Don’t rush into something just to avoid being alone. It’s not worth it, babe.

Does this person make me feel good about myself and about the relationship?

Someone can seem like a great fit for you, but still be a bad match. Stick with people who make you feel comfortable being yourself. And how about the relationship? Does it feel right? These are bare minimum must-haves if you’re going to take this relationship to the next level.

Does monogamy feel right for me? With this person?

The usual outcome for the DTR is to decide if you both want to commit to each other. Before you have the conversation, make sure monogamy feels right to you. And while you might like the idea in general, you need to like the idea of specifically being monogamous with them. Of course, polyamorous relationships exist, too, so if you want that, be prepared to bring it up.

Do I have enough space to commit to this person in the way that they need?

Everyone’s coming into this conversation with an idea of what they want and need. Not only should you be thinking about what they want, but you should also consider if you can be what they want as well. Everything needs to be aligned.

What does the ideal relationship look like to me?

You aren’t just having this conversation to decide to be together. You’re also letting them know what that should look like. Do you want to be together all the time or do you like space? Do you need regular emotional support? What’s your fighting style and is it compatible with theirs? There’s so much more to this than a simple, “Yes, let’s make this official.”

Am I prepared to be a loving partner?

Can you actually be the loving partner that someone needs? Don’t commit to something if you’re not ready or you can provide the experience that your partner wants.