Will Sleeping in Separate Bedrooms Save Your Marriage? We Talked to 3 Women Who Tried It

Feeling tempted to blow up at your spouse because getting a good night’s sleep next to them is next to impossible? Before losing your cool or jumping to worst-case scenarios, it’s worth considering whether a sleep divorce could be the solution to your problems.

As the name suggests, a “sleep divorce” is when a couple regularly and deliberately sleeps in separate beds or bedrooms. That might sound unconventional, but it’s more popular than you might think. Per one 2025 survey, nearly one-third (31%) of all U.S. adults have tried it in the hopes of accommodating their partner or achieving deeper, more restful sleep. Celebrities like Carson Daly have even opened up about the positive impact it’s had on their relationships. 

“Sleep divorce can be a wonderful thing for a relationship,” psychotherapist Alissa Camacho, MS, LPC, tells SheKnows. At the same time, she cautions that it’s “certainly not a black-and-white subject. The context within the decision matters, and communication is crucial when discussing the topic.”

The benefits and potential drawbacks of sleep divorce

According to Camacho, sleep divorces are common for couples where one partner snores loudly, has sleep apnea, or works an unconventional schedule. They’re also popular when someone is pregnant, or a fussy newborn or toddler is in the picture. In scenarios like this, snoozing separately can help everyone get their recommended 7 or more hours of sleep each night with fewer interruptions. That’s huge from a health standpoint: Poor sleep has been linked to everything from hormonal and metabolic disruptions, to cognitive decline in older adults.

However, there are some potential drawbacks to sleep divorce. “The biggest risk isn’t the separate beds. It’s the silent emotional and physical drifting apart,” relationship coach and author Monica Tanner tells SheKnows. Examples of this include talking to each other less often or barely having sex. And depending on your living situation (i.e., how many beds or bedrooms you have), sleeping separately might not even be possible.

Like Camacho, Tanner believes that communication and intentionality are key for a successful arrangement. We all have different physical and emotional needs. If you’re curious about a sleep divorce, plan to have a gentle and honest conversation with your partner about your goals, concerns, and what it might look like for the two of you in practice. “Use language that reassures your partner of your commitment and desire for connection,” Tanner advises.

“It can be difficult to hear that your partner essentially doesn’t want to sleep with you anymore,” Camacho adds. “It’s deeply personal, and how you say it matters.”

SheKnows interviewed three women who’ve tried it themselves — including a certified adult sleep coach who helps couples navigate issues like this every day. Here’s what they had to say about how it affected their sleep and their romantic relationship.

Elliott Harrell, 40

Elliott and her husband began sleeping separately because his snoring was jeopardizing her sleep. “We didn’t sit down one day and say, ‘We should start sleeping apart,’” she explains. “I think how our experience went is probably like a lot of other couples, where one person finds themselves going to another bed more often than not because they’re having trouble sleeping.”

That was about a year and a half ago. Today, she and her husband still sleep separately fairly often. Elliott will typically start out in the same bed as him and then relocate to a different bed in their home if and when she gets woken up or can’t fall asleep.

“I don’t think we’ll ever have separate bedrooms or anything,” she adds, “but we’re both very open about optimizing for both of us having as good of sleep as possible.” She also started wearing earplugs a few months ago in the hopes of getting to sleep next to each other more often.

As a mother of young children (3 and 5 years old), Elliott has yet to field any questions about her and husband’s sleeping arrangements from her kids. “Should they ever ask, we’ll stress that our relationship is great, and that one of the ways mommy and daddy show that they love each other is by making sure each is getting great sleep,” she says.

Her advice for anyone who’s considering a sleep divorce is simple: “Do it! Prioritizing yourself, your health and your sleep is more important than any perceived ‘weirdness’ or negativity from staying in a bed where you can’t sleep.”

Kelly Murray, 48

As a certified adult sleep coach, Kelly Murray knows just how vital sleep is for your physical and cognitive well-being. She’s also keenly aware of the emotional toll it can take on a couple when one or both parties isn’t sleeping well. That’s why she’s such a big fan of sleep divorce: “We put so much pressure on ourselves to share a bed because that’s what couples are ‘supposed’ to do, but at what cost?”

Like Elliott, Kelly started sleeping separately from her husband because his snoring was bothering her. “Now, I sleep so much better, which means I’m in a better mood, I have more patience, and our relationship is genuinely better because of it,” she shares. “We also get to keep our own schedules without feeling like we’re inconveniencing each other, which has been freeing.”

The logistics can be tricky at times, though. Since her husband typically sleeps in their guest bedroom, having visitors over means Kelly won’t be getting as much shuteye. She’s also become more sensitive to movement and sound at night than she was pre-sleep divorce. But for her, the positives of this arrangement outweigh the negatives.

“Be intentional about maintaining intimacy [with your partner],” she advises. “Just because you sleep separately doesn’t mean you lose that closeness. You might spend the first part of the evening together in one bed — talking, connecting, whatever you need — before one of you moves to your own sleep space.” She’s also a proponent of experimenting with a sleep divorce trial period to work out any kinks and land on the best arrangement for your relationship and living situation.

Monica*, 37

Monica and her husband’s sleep divorce began when they started living together during the COVID-19 pandemic. Her husband’s mattress hurt her back, so she started sleeping on their living room couch, which has a firmer mattress. “It made a huge difference in my quality of sleep despite the inconvenience of pulling out the mattress every night,” she shares. She also noticed more sensitivity to sound around this time — including her husband’s loud snoring at night.

From that point on, they’ve maintained separate sleeping arrangements. It’s had the additional benefit of allowing them to go about their own routines at night without feeling beholden to each other’s sleep-wake schedules. “In a lot of ways, I think it helped, because we used to bicker about me kicking him when he was snoring, etc.,” she explains.

At times, Monica does wonder if their sleep divorce has had a negative effect on their sex life. Since she and her husband aren’t lying next to each other at night, they rarely have sex spontaneously. “However, we are a very physically affectionate couple, so I don’t think it hurts us overall,” she adds. “If we solved for both the mattress and snoring issue, I actually think I would sleep better with my husband. I find his presence calming and tend to fall asleep quickly… when he’s next to me. But for now, this is simplest and what works best.”

Monica is firmly team sleep divorce — if it sounds appealing to you, she highly recommends trying it out. “I don’t believe it makes you any less of a romantic couple, or that sleeping apart really means much about your relationship,” she says. “Sleep is incredibly important to me, and vital to everyone’s health. It’s not worth giving up just to fit into the norm.”

*Last name omitted for privacy.