Because ICE Is Losing In Minnesota, Hegseth Is Prepping For Actual Martial Law

LOL this government thought actual murder would shut Minneapolis down. You absolute idiots. Whatever kills us makes us stronger. And I say that as only a part-time Minnesotan. I’ve split time between there and South Dakota over the past couple of decades. And Minneapolis never fails to impress.

The administration went all in on Minneapolis after a MAGA grifter claimed a bunch of fraud was being perpetrated by Somali-Americans. Trump, of course, believed this because he hates Minnesota, Somalis, Ilhan Omar, and anything else that looks like it might be a grassroots reaction to his Ministry of Hate.

Cue this latest move by the government, which is still in the “pending” pile. But don’t expect this leash to be held in check for long.

The Pentagon has ordered 1,500 US troops based in Alaska to prepare to deploy to Minnesota as a precautionary measure in case the administration decides to send them, a US official said, speaking on condition of anonymity. The unit of the 11th Airborne Division is a cold-weather unit nicknamed “The Arctic Angels.”

Hey, good luck with that. Local businesses are far less willing to feed and house federal officers, given the risk it poses to their own businesses once the locals discover where ICE is shacking up and/or getting its coffee. While DHS officials love to claim any refusal to house federal officers is unamerican af, the reality is that local business owners don’t want the negative publicity and negative public action housing ICE officers might provoke.

You’d think a shrewd businessperson such as Donald Trump would understand. After all, he’s made a career out of strategic bankruptcies and investing in gold leaf futures. He should sympathize with small business owners who don’t want to be whistled/ice-cubed/TripAdvisored into non-existence. But he doesn’t because he only cares about Trump and thinks everyone should be asking “Where’s Trump?” whenever he fails to post to his own social media service 5-10 times a day.

“Arctic Angels” my Midwestern white ass. These won’t be angels. They’ll be on the wrong side of history for as long as history persists, which tends to be forever. (Just ask the Roman Empire figures you idolize, you stupid white nationalist fucks.)

It’s not just the Army that might be coming for Minneapolis, the home of Minnesota Nice and interpretations of cold weather that defy scientific measurement. You may have trained in Alaska, but have you ever been whistled into submission by people who know how to walk on ice without falling flat on their ass?

I submit to you that you are not ready to deal with Minnesota. No one is. The administration is still flustered by Portland, Oregon, where inflatable animal costumes have beaten ICE into semi-submission.

Bringing in the FBI isn’t going to change anything, especially when it’s still headed by an insurrection enabler that has been elevated to a level of infamy even his worst enemies would only hesitantly wish on him:

At the same time, the FBI is sending messages to its agents nationwide seeking volunteers to temporarily transfer to Minneapolis. It wasn’t immediately clear what the FBI would ask agents who volunteered to travel to Minneapolis to do.

The FBI already has a pretty big building in Minneapolis. Yep, that’s all theirs and I know because last December, I spent three days in the hotel facing it while visiting my family.

Bringing in more FBI agents may fill those officers a bit more, but it won’t make Minneapolis any less of the FOAD monster it has morphed into in response to a vengeful federal invasion.

Tim Walz, the governor of Minnesota, has pledged to send out National Guard troops to protect Minnesotans and their rights. The federal government, on the other hand, has only promised to send out more guys with guns to protect the government.

“We have to send more officers and agents just to protect our officers to carry out their mission,” ICE Director Todd Lyons said on Fox News’ Sunday Morning Futures. “The majority of those are there to protect the men and women who are already there. Now we need 10-15 officers per arrest to protect each other” against protesters.

If you cowards can’t arrest someone when faced with the combined forces of whistles and GTFO shouts without assembling half a platoon, you’re definitely in the wrong business. If you think sending more officers and actual military troops will keep Minneapolis residents from making it hard for you to be as racist as you want to be… well, just look at the response you provoked after murdering someone just because she made it clear she wasn’t intimidated by you.

Trump wants a war. But he’s not smart enough to choose his battles. Unless he’s got the willpower to push past the few guardrails keeping him in check, he’s going to be America’s next Custer — a man so secure in his white-makes-right philosophy that he won’t recognize that he’s in over his head until it’s far too late.

And the analogy fits: they’re both prime examples of the “meritocracy” a bunch of lesser failures claim makes this country great. On one hand, we have a thrice-divorced “deal maker” who’s more famous for his bankruptcies than his business successes. On the other hand, we have Custer, who’s absolutely the mold they cast MAGA from:

Custer graduated in 1861 from the United States Military Academy at West Point, New York, last in his class. 

Not only last in his class, but last in his class of only 34. Most West Point classes exceeded 100 cadets, but with the Civil War an ongoing concern, many of Custer’s betters had already volunteered to serve, rather than (lol) compete with Custer for the worst grades.

Bring it on, losers. The Midwest will fuck you up in ways you New York elites (yes, that’s you, Trump) can’t even imagine.