5 reasons why you should laugh more and not take yourself so seriously
Below, Chris Duffy shares five key insights from his new book, Humor Me: How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected, and Happy.
Chris is a comedian, television writer, and the host of TED’s award-winning How to Be a Better Human podcast. Chris wrote for both seasons of Wyatt Cenac’s Problem Areas on HBO, executive-produced by John Oliver. He is both a former fifth-grade teacher and a former fifth-grade student.
What’s the big idea?
Humor isn’t just about being funny. When we notice, share, and even save the small absurdities of everyday life, laughter can make us more relatable, more curious, and better able to connect, think, and work together.
1. People like you more if you’re a little bit of a mess.
Many of us spend so much energy and stress trying to get things to be perfect. I know I do. I’ve wasted countless hours trying to hide my flaws from other people, especially strangers. But it turns out that not only is that a battle I’m never going to win, but it’s counterproductive.
One of my favorite studies had study subjects rate potential job candidates (who were secretly in on the experiment). When asked to rate high-performing candidates and average candidates, study participants preferred the high performers. No surprise there. But the highest-rated candidates of all were the high performers who had also just spilled coffee all over themselves before walking in the door. In other words, we want you to be able to do your job, but we don’t mind if you’re kind of a mess. In fact, we prefer it! You’re relatable.
Now, I’m not suggesting that you dump scalding hot coffee on yourself before your next high-stakes interview. But I am suggesting that being willing to openly acknowledge and laugh at your flaws and imperfections won’t undermine your success, it will enhance it. Nobody likes a perfect goody two-shoes; everyone loves a person who’s a bit of a mess but trying their best.
2. Looking for laughs can lead to big, serious ideas.
Millions of people are alive today because of the discovery of penicillin. But when Alexander Fleming walked into the lab and saw penicillin for the first time, he didn’t shout “Eureka!” Instead, he walked up to a dirty petri dish that had been left out overnight and said, “That’s funny,” before taking a culture of the mold.
The idea of seeing something odd and funny and then investigating it has led to many breakthroughs. In fact, every year, hundreds of the world’s most brilliant thinkers converge in Cambridge, Massachusetts, for the Ig Nobel Prizes. If you’re not already familiar with the Ig Nobels, they’re a lot like the Nobel Prizes. But instead of recognizing the most world-changing achievements in physics, chemistry, and peace, the Ig Nobels recognize the most hilarious discoveries of the year. Their slogan is “Research that makes people laugh, then think.”
“The idea of seeing something odd and funny and then investigating it has led to many breakthroughs.”
The winners are people who have published papers on things like constipated scorpions or what happens if you use a crash test dummy that’s shaped like a moose. An international team won the Ig Nobel Prize in Literature for studying the sensations people feel “when they repeat a single word many, many, many, many, many, many, many times.” Or Georgia Tech scientists were awarded the Ig Nobel Prize in Physics for discovering a “universal urination duration.” Using fluid dynamics, they demonstrated that all mammals weighing over three kilograms take about twenty-one seconds to completely empty a full bladder.”
So why would actual Nobel Laureates and celebrated geniuses from around the world make time in their busy schedules to attend an event like this? For one, it’s fun. I attended the 2024 Ig Nobels, and it was hilarious and an absolute blast. But the Ig Nobels attract such a distinguished crowd for another reason as well! These people are smart enough to know that when it comes to big ideas, a laugh is never just a laugh. Following your sense of humor makes you pay more attention and be intellectually open to new, surprising insights and observations.
3. You don’t have to be the center of attention to have a great sense of humor.
I am a glutton for attention. I love talking to strangers, and I have built my career around happily getting up in front of crowds to share my thoughts. I’m a tried-and-true extrovert.
My wife, Mollie, on the other hand, is an introvert who would much rather be curled up at home with a good book than chatting with a neighbor on the bus.
But here’s the thing: Mollie has an incredible sense of humor! People often make the mistake of thinking that a sense of humor means you’re at a party, in the middle of a large group, loudly telling a joke. In fact, it could just as easily be that you are on a walk alone when you notice an extremely chubby squirrel going to town on an acorn. The point is that you’re bringing laughter into your daily life and enjoying the delightful absurdity of the world that you might otherwise have missed.
“People often make the mistake of thinking that a sense of humor means you’re at a party, in the middle of a large group, loudly telling a joke.”
And if you’re curious, Mollie really did see that jumbo squirrel having the time of its life. Even just hearing her report secondhand later in the day, I was clutching my sides too at that little squirrel feast.
4. If you want a group to work well together, try being like Abraham Lincoln.
When Abraham Lincoln assembled his famous “team of rivals,” he had a cabinet full of brilliant statesmen. There was only one problem: They mostly hated each other, and they didn’t particularly like him. So how did Honest Abe turn the group of rival politicians into a team?
Lincoln’s answer was, in part, to laugh with them. To create a group identity with inside jokes, folksy anecdotes, and shared humor. Everyone who knew Lincoln knew he had no shortage of jokes. One contemporary said Lincoln’s jokes were as “plenty as blackberries.” And if there’s one thing we know about blackberries, it’s that there are lots of them.
Modern portrayals of Lincoln tend to paint him as a serious and tragic figure, for understandable reasons. But much of Lincoln’s skill as a politician and leader was his ability to connect with people by getting them laughing. Benjamin P. Thomas, a Lincoln scholar, wrote that Lincoln was “ready with an instant witticism or retort under almost any circumstances.”
One excellent example of Lincoln’s humor is a joke he made about himself being ugly. During the Lincoln-Douglas debates, when he was accused of being two-faced, Lincoln responded, “Honestly, if I were two-faced, would I be showing you this one?” A very solid self-burn!
Bob Mankoff, the former cartoon editor for The New Yorker, has long been interested in Lincoln’s humor. In an essay, he wrote that “Lincoln was much more about ‘laughing with’ than ‘laughing at.’ And when ‘laughing at,’ it was often himself he was mocking.”
“Much of Lincoln’s skill as a politician and leader was his ability to connect with people by getting them laughing.”
That Lincoln-style congeniality and empathy can help disarm detractors and create a more comfortable space for positive group dynamics to form. There are evolutionary reasons to suspect that this may be one of the earliest and most important functions of humor. Animal behavior experts have long observed that chimpanzees and other primates engage in an equivalent of human laughter. After laughing together, primates are often more relaxed and less aggressive. If it works for chimps, it might work for your colleagues at the office, too!
5. You can stockpile laughter in a file folder.
If you’re anything like me, you can instantly recall humiliating and embarrassing moments from decades ago. I will often be in the shower minding my own business when all of a sudden I have a vivid recollection of something horrifying, like the time I had a phone conversation with my crush in high school and it ended with her saying “I don’t think I have a crush on you anymore because you talk too much.” Or when I was in one of my first ever big deal meetings with a TV executive, I told her I hated reality TV and then turned around to see a giant poster for the show Jersey Shore with her name listed as one of the producers.
It’s no challenge for me to give a vivid play-by-play of any one of thousands of cringeworthy interactions. But ask me to give you an equivalent retelling of the funniest jokes and best laughs I’ve had, and it takes a lot more effort. We tend to forget the laughs and retain the skin-crawling mortification.
But you can change that! Every time you find something that makes you laugh uncontrollably, write it down or find a way to experience it again. Maybe it’s a list on your computer of the online videos that make you cry tears of laughter, a jar full of Post-it notes with inside jokes from your marriage, or an album of the most hilariously bad photos you’ve ever taken of your kids or your friends. The form it takes isn’t particularly important, but your ability to re-access a good laugh when you need it is.
“Every time you find something that makes you laugh uncontrollably, write it down or find a way to experience it again.”
When I interviewed the care team at a Hong Kong nursing home about the wildly successful humor program they had implemented, they told me that residents in the program had needed less pain medicine, felt more connected, and experienced an increase in life satisfaction. One of the biggest parts of their program was simply keeping a folder of writing, cartoons, images, and jokes that made them laugh and then sharing it with others. That’s a prescription that any of us can try, and there’s no copay.
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This article originally appeared in Next Big Idea Club magazine and is reprinted with permission.