How to Train Your Brain to Be More Patient

For several years, I’ve lived in a part of Maryland where it’s common for other cars to mosey into my lane and then drive well under the speed limit. This agitates me and my lead foot. When stuck behind them, my heart rate speeds up as if compensating for the slow wheels. Sometimes I even shout and honk. Of course, the driver ahead never realizes the error of their ways, accelerates, or reacts at all. Torturing myself this way is pointless, yet my impatience endures.

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Impatience is a deeply human problem with a long documented history—it’s a theme in ancient Buddhist texts and Roman meditations—but it’s probably even more of a struggle in our fast-paced, on-demand culture. Today, situations that involve waiting are viewed as glitches rather than inevitable parts of life, says Sarah Schnitker, a psychologist at Baylor University. We’ve come to believe technology can and should make delays obsolete—that we’re entitled to instant gratification.

Such expectations frequently collide with reality, causing frustration such as conflicts on the road and career angst. In the long term, impatience can take a toll on our bodies, minds, and overall health. But there are specific ways to curb it—and, researchers who study patience say you’ll be happier for doing so.

Types of patience

Patience is a virtue, but it’s also a practical strategy—both a noun and a verb. Schnitker researches three kinds of it. One is “micro-patience,” or dealing with daily hassles like Wi-Fi outages and basement leaks. Another is “life-hardships patience”: major obstacles like chronic health conditions that interfere with daily routines, making them slow and tedious. 

A third type is “interpersonal patience,” or being able to endure holdups caused by other people, like slow-mo drivers, flaky coworkers, or young kids who require 15 minutes to put on their shoes before leaving the house.

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There’s a lot of overlap among these types, says Kate Sweeny, professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside. “People tell me they’re fine in all situations except traffic, and I say, ‘Well, you’re not actually fine in those other situations,’” she says.

This means that practicing patience in one domain could translate to increased patience in another. For example, if I cultivate patience behind the wheel, it might also enhance this quality in areas of life that are more important than getting where I’m going three minutes earlier.

The benefits of practicing patience

Schnitker has found that patience can lead to more persistence and progress toward key long-term goals. In one of her studies, people rated their own levels of patience over several weeks while working toward such goals. Those who rated themselves highly on patience tried harder—and found greater meaning in doing so—over the following two weeks.

One reason for this effect is that when people maintain calm in the face of regular obstacles, they’re less likely to burn out before achieving their aspirations—and burnout is a bigger dream-killer than other negative responses like anger. “Our data show that what really undermines people the most in the long term is disengagement and passivity,” Schnitker says.

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Evidence also shows that people capable of waiting for rewards tend to have better health outcomes. They’re considerably more likely to make it to age 65 and have fewer medical conditions and hospitalizations than people who are more impatient. Patience is also linked to healthier weight and metabolism, and reduced pain among people with heart disease.

Relatedly, Sweeny says, the ability to delay gratification helps people stick to an exercise routine, keep a balanced diet, and act conscientiously when recovering from illness or injury. 

Sweeny also notes that any chronic negative emotion, including impatience, worsens mental health. Researchers have found that impatience decreases friendliness and willingness to help others, explains Cassie Mogilner Holmes, a professor of behavioral decision-making at UCLA. “Patience is tightly linked to positive emotions,” Holmes says. Some research has even linked it to a lower suicide risk. 

Here’s how to improve your patience.

Set realistic expectations

Our modern environment is working against us when it comes to cultivating patience. Though tech can help us outsource some tasks, many people use it as a lever to do more, not less. “We expect to accomplish more at any given point in time,” Holmes says.

The ironic result is that people start feeling like they never have enough time. This “pervading sense of time poverty” can cause impatience, Holmes says.

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Setting realistic expectations might involve taking breaks from social media because of how some users curate their accounts to emphasize or exaggerate professional and personal accomplishments. Constant exposure to these idealized milestones can create a sense of falling behind, stoking impatience by making our own efforts seem gradual by comparison. “We’re flooded with things other people are doing,” Holmes says. “Social media has absolutely exacerbated the negative effects of social comparison.”

Avoiding these highlight reels may boost your patience with your own progress and achievements.

Change your mindset

Having to wait for something can prompt a flurry of negative thoughts. An effective strategy for becoming more patient is to think more constructively.

One approach is to concentrate your thoughts on empathy. When I’m behind a slow driver, for example, I can consider plausible explanations for the other person’s sluggish pace, Schnitker suggests. Perhaps the driver is a senior with poor eyesight who’s trying to make it safely to the  doctor’s office.

Or consider how it can feel to have to wait under uncertain circumstances, such as after a job interview or medical test. It’s natural to wish the result would come sooner to ease the anxiety—especially toward the end of the waiting period, Sweeny has found—which can cause plenty of impatience. 

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But people are better at tolerating the wait if they think in ways that enhance their sense of control, Sweeny says. You could strategize about how you’d cope with a bad outcome, or how you might positively affect that outcome—by obtaining health insurance while awaiting medical test results, for example. Focusing on agency over urgency will improve well-being, Sweeny notes, and “you’ll be more ready whatever the outcome.” 

When Sweeny asked women at a biopsy appointment if any good could come from a future breast cancer diagnosis, 76% replied that it could. Prompted by Sweeny’s questions, the women reflected on how such a diagnosis could ultimately drive greater appreciation for life. This alleviated some fear and impatience as they waited.

Cultivating a grounded but optimistic outlook—guardedly confident, not Pollyanna— supports calm patience. Optimism declines as we get closer to receiving potentially bad news, but regularly “practicing optimism makes it easier” in this situation, Sweeny says.

Savor what feels pleasant

Patience may improve after mindfulness sessions. Meditation is especially effective, but a mindful walk or meal can help, too. “You learn to enjoy the moment instead of regretting what you can’t do while trapped in a traffic jam,” Sweeny says.

Amy Errmann, a senior lecturer at Auckland University of Technology in New Zealand, has found mindfulness reduces impulsivity and slows down our perception of time. “We think of time more expansively in the present and future,” Errmann says. In this way, mindfulness counters the modern sense of time poverty, she explains. Meditation can also decrease rumination, which fuels impatience.

You could also focus on savoring anything pleasant, like people you’re grateful for or just a clear blue sky. “Savoring slows down this time pressure building up in our daily lives,” Errmann explains.

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“Savoring is really important,” Holmes says. Your child’s efforts to put on their shoes may seem eternal, but try to view these formative moments as precious and fleeting; one day, they’ll leave the house without you. Instead of fixating on how long it takes to improve your golf game, savor the fact that you’re able to play the sport at all. As Holmes puts it: “How many more times do you have to do this thing you love?” She’s found people who think this way enjoy greater meaning in their lives and feel like they have more time.

When mindfulness and savoring become habitual responses to minor frustrations, you’re actively cultivating patience that carries over to more consequential challenges. “A lot of patience is learning how to regulate emotions,” Sweeny says. “If you practice in small ways, you can start applying these new strategies and skills to bigger things.”

Distract yourself with flow

Distraction is another strategy to counter impatience. Getting into a flow state—deep, effortless focus—is a productive way to do it.

Sweeny’s parents live in Florida, and she’s felt impatient while trying to contact them to ensure they’re safe during hurricanes. “They keep having to evacuate,” she says, “and there’s nothing I can do about it.” So, to pass the time without being distracted as much by anxiety, she absorbs herself in data analysis for her research projects. “The flow state really pulls me in, so I’m not really capable of worrying,” Sweeny says. Her research bears this out: flow helps boost well-being during uncertain waiting periods.

Learn when to pay attention to impatience

Impatience isn’t always bad. It may alert us to problems that must be actively solved, when passive waiting won’t cut it. Schnitker has found that having a deep sense of purpose—something beyond yourself—helps motivate patience, but it’s equally important to know when to disengage with a purpose leading nowhere and reject the status quo.

With experience comes the wisdom to notice impatience and decide if now is the time to quit a goal or fight an injustice, Schnitker says. “If you have both patience and courage in your arsenal, you can pick which one you want to deploy in the moment.”